Talisman
by SapphireMind
Summary: Short term memory loss for fun and profit...G.I.Joe style. Finally complete.
1. Fun and Games

A new story. Yay! Aren't I just brimming with ideas (or something ;)) I will let you know this story was inspired by the movie Memento (and *coughcoughfindingnemocoughcough*), so forgive me if my medical details aren't perfect. I tried to get them as close to accurate as possible, but this is fiction so I will be taking liberties. Please do not whine because your uncle is a dr. and you know that this is unlikely and blah blah blah *L* I'm having fun with the idea, and if you aren't, please skip it *chuckle*   
  
That said, I'm going to give my little disclaimer, I own none of these characters, I'm just having a bit of fun. Please don't sue the poor lady in the corner writing fanfics. Please don't substitute this fanfic for medical care in the case of head injury, and please, give those you love a hug, you never know when they can be suddenly gone.   
  
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Scarlett was walking along the hallway carrying a bunch of papers, when suddenly she felt hands on her shoulders. She stiffened and then spun around, grinning when she saw who it was, looking around quickly to see if there were observers, then kissing her 'attacker'. "I hate it when you sneak up on me." She smirked and elbowed him.  
  
"What can I say? I like to see the fire you get in your eyes when you are angry." Duke's smile was playful as he ran his hands up her body.  
  
"Stop! Someone could see us." She didn't sound very convincing though, giggling as he kissed her neck.  
  
Duke pulled away with a small frown. "Fine. But I expect you to make it up to me later, ok?" He smiled at her, brushing her hair away from her face.  
  
She grinned, "I think I can handle that. We need to talk anyway."  
  
Duke's eyebrow went up, "Anything wrong?"   
  
"Nope, just some plans I have cooking for the holidays coming up. You still up for coming home with me?"   
  
"I think I can handle that." He smiled slyly as he echoed her previous comment. He gave her one last long kiss, then they separated to return to work.  
  
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Later that night, in Duke's quarters, she snuggled up to him comfortably. "You know, I can't keep Jaye in the dark too much longer; she is my roommate. Only reason I've been able to get away with it for this long is because she's been too busy with Flint to notice if I am home or not!"   
  
Conrad traced lines up and down her arm gently, "We'll have to tell people at some point. We need to figure out what we'll do about that. You are my subordinate." A playful smile grew on his face, "And I could really take advantage of a poor helpless woman under my command."   
  
She snorted, "You call me poor and helpless again, the evening in is off and I'll take you to the gym to show you poor and helpless!" She laughed as she nudged him and he held his arms up in surrender, "You're right of course. I just don't want to do it any time soon I guess. I'm afraid what it will do to the team dynamic. And, I'll come out and admit I'm worried about my career. And yours." Her tone was definitely more serious now.  
  
He nodded in agreement, knowing that while a few members would be happy for them, others wouldn't, most likely in misplaced jealousy. He couldn't help that the prettiest soldier out of the 3 women on the Joe team was his. "We don't have to deal with it now. See if you can still put up with me in a few months and we'll start working it out. Alright?"   
  
"Sounds like a plan. Hmmm. Maybe I could just get promoted and once were on the same footing, no conflicts." Duke rolled his eyes at her idea and she protested, "What? You don't think Top would do for a nickname for me too?"  
  
He growled playfully, "I'd much rather see you 'top' in another way," she gave out a little squeal as he picked her up and took her to bed.  
  
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In the middle of the night alarms sounded, Duke and Scarlett awakening immediately. The PA voice called into the quarters: "Scramble the Sky Strikers, incoming Cobra attack." It repeated the dire warning a few more times, but once was all either of them needed. Within moments, they were dressed and headed out to the runway to claim their aircraft.   
  
As per their usual, Scarlett and Duke shared a Striker and were quickly airborne. The Rattlers were coming hard and fast, but the Joes were better. Scarlett spotted a plane though, hanging back it seemed, heavier and bulkier than the battle ready Rattlers. She pointed towards the plane, figuring it to be some sort of command ship and they immediately went after it.   
  
The back of the black cargo plane was opening and through it, Scarlett could see a gleam of polished metal. Suddenly, she got a bad feeling in the pit of her stomach, and called to Duke to fall back. Something about what she could see in the ship's hold made her uneasy.  
  
As they banked around, her control panel lit up suddenly, sparks and crackles running across the electronics. "Duke! My controls have gone out up here!"  
  
Duke yelled back, "I've got some function, but we're barely staying in the air. We need to bail Scarlett."  
  
She hit the eject button, and then tried the manual release, coming up with nothing. "My section is totally fried! Bail, I'll figure something out!"  
  
"NO! I'm not going to leave you in here!" Duke's voice was verging on panicked now as the plane began to lose altitude and fall to the earth.  
  
"Damnit Duke, get the hell out! If nothing else, you can lead people to my position. I've got a little control coming back. I'm going to try and guide her down as much as possible and hope my eject decides to work. But you've got to get out of here! You've got bigger responsibilities than just me." She reached her hand over her head to touch Duke's fingertips. "I love you. I'll be ok. I promise. Just don't leave me stranded in the woods. I hate camping. Now GO!"   
  
"I love you too, be safe." He couldn't say anything else, he just did what he had to do, which was bail out of the crashing plane. As he drifted down in his parachute, he watched as she desperately tried to regain control of the aircraft. He breathed a sigh of relief, noting that it would be a rough landing but shouldn't be too bad.   
  
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Scarlett kept her wits about her as she brought the Striker in for a crash landing. As soon as the plane stopped moving, she undid her harness and got out to inspect the damage. She felt a bullet whiz by her face and land in the side of the plane, and she swore to herself. Cobra foot soldiers who were all vying for the distinction of having killed a Joe. She had a sidearm with her, but not enough ammo as she would have wanted in this situation. Her only real hope was to hold them off for as long as possible until Duke could bring the reinforcements in.   
  
She dove for cover behind a tree and activated her wrist com as she tried to hold them off, "Boys, you think you could come give a lady a hand?"  
  
"Scarlett!" Duke's relieved voice came over the com, "Are you ok?"  
  
"Yeah, the Striker's seen better days, and I'm being shot at, but otherwise I'm fine. So get some reinforcements here. I don't have a lot of ammo left!"   
  
"Roger that, we're en route. Duke out."  
  
She concentrated on the small group of soldiers across the clearing who were firing at her, trying to keep them boxed in until help came. She heard cries of "Yo Joe!" coming closer and knew that soon it would be over. She saw Duke and Beachhead break into the clearing and she stepped out for a moment to signal her position. Just then, she heard a twig snap behind her and before she could turn around, she heard a voice saying, "Bye bye Joe."   
  
And then she felt no more.  
  
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Duke's relief at knowing she came through the crash alright was shortlived as he and Beach came to the clearing where Scarlett was pinned. She waved to show her position and then from seemingly out of nowhere, a Cobra soldier was behind her. Duke felt as if the world was moving in slow motion as he saw the man bring his gun up, place it on Scarlett's head and pull the trigger. He was aware that he was yelling and Beach finally took a shot at the killer and gave him his just reward.   
  
The rest of the Joe team arrived to finish the cleanup but Duke didn't care about that, he was inspecting Scarlett's wounds and calling for Lifeline. She was breathing still and there was only a small entry wound. He hoped that was a good sign. He held her in his arms until the med crew arrived and took over her care and rushed her back to the Pit.  
  
He stood there watching them rush off with her, covered in her blood, when Flint came up to him and put a hand on his shoulder, "You ok man?"  
  
He shook his head mutely. He was not ok. He wouldn't be ok until he was sure she was going to be alright.  
  
"She's a trooper, Duke. She'll make it through this. Don't worry. Come on, let me take you back, alright?" Flint was a little concerned. Duke seemed about to fall apart for a few moments over this. He knew that Duke had a crush on the beautiful soldier, but had no idea they'd been conducting an affair for months now. He put a hand on Duke's shoulder, "Come on. Let's get back so we can talk to the docs."  
  
Duke said nothing, just followed him back to the Pit, the image of Scarlett being shot playing over and over again in his mind. 


	2. Forget Me Not

Duke was arguing with the nurses at sickbay. "I'm sorry Duke, the doctors don't want anyone in there right now."  
  
"I'm not anyone, I'm her, and your, commanding officer. I want to know what happened to my teammate!" His voice was a dangerous growl and the nurses were relieved when Lifeline stepped out of the room where Scarlett was, letting him deal with the angry Master Sargeant.  
  
"Duke, I need you to calm down. Alright?" He put a hand on the other man's shoulder and directed him to his office. "We don't want anyone in there right now since her skull is opened, and we don't want to risk any infections. I can give you an update on her condition and then one of us needs to call her father."  
  
Duke's stomach dropped, it was serious enough to call her father. He tried to keep himself together, managing to nod to Lifeline. "I'll do it. I know her family. How is she?"   
  
He leaned back in his chair and sighed. "We don't know yet entirely. Well, except that she's the luckiest woman alive." Duke gave him a befuddled look at that. "She was shot in the head, and somehow....the bullet went around the skull, and not through the brain." Duke let out a sigh of relief as Lifeline continued, "It is resting in between her skull and brain and putting some pressure on it, but not too much we don't think, so, we are hoping that once the swelling goes down, it won't affect her much."  
  
"It is in her brain though? Are you going to take it out?"   
  
Lifeline shook his head, "No, at least not now. Right now we want to see what function she has with it in there. The position of it is very tricky, there's a good chance that if we try and remove it, we would severely damage her abilities."   
  
"Meaning?"  
  
"It could put her into a vegetative state. If she ends up being in one anyway, we'll try it, but if she can go on without us having to go in, it would be better for her."  
  
Duke nodded, mulling this over. "This is the end of her career, isn't it." This was not a solution he wanted. He should have stayed with her. He could have helped to cover her and she wouldn't be in this position now!  
  
Lifeline hesitated a bit and then nodded, "It's possible she could recover to where she was before, but with that bullet in her skull, she can't risk combat. Most likely, there's going to be some sort of damage as well." He tried to be as gentle as possible, "It wasn't your fault Duke. You had to bail from the plane. Don't beat yourself up about it."   
  
He nodded with a shrug. "It sure as hell feels like my fault." He sighed deeply then stood, "I'm going to call her father, please let me know the moment she can have visitors."  
  
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Duke locked the door to his office and sat down, staring at the phone for a moment, then dialing the numbers that he knew would bring him to Shana's home in Georgia.  
  
"Hello?" A man's voice answered, but he didn't think it was Patrick.  
  
"Hello, I need to speak with Patrick O'Hara." Duke's voice was stiff and formal.  
  
Some suspicion was on the other side of the line, perhaps thinking this was a telemarketer, "Who is this and what is it regarding?"  
  
"This is Master Sargeant Hauser. I need to speak with him regarding Sargeant O'Hara." He heard the phone drop and the one who answered the phone calling out to his father to come to the phone. Duke heard the worry and fear in her brother's voice and cringed inwardly. He wished this wasn't happening.  
  
Finally, Patrick picked up an extension, "This is Patrick O'Hara. I hear this is regarding my daughter?"  
  
Duke swallowed, "Yes sir, she was in an accident last night."   
  
"Is she...dead?" Her father's voice was only a whisper.  
  
"No, no sir, she is still alive but she is seriously wounded.   
  
"No, no sir, she is still alive but she is seriously wounded. We don't know how bad it is yet." He didn't know what to say to the man, he couldn't tell him how important his daughter was to him, so he just finished lamely, "I'm sorry."  
  
There was a long pause, then Sean's voice came a little stronger, "Can I see her?"   
  
Duke closed his eyes, hating to tell a father this, "No sir, not yet. She's not stabilized and her current location is secured. Plus she needs to be debriefed."   
  
Frustration was clear in the tone of Sean O'Hara, "Fine. But when I am authorized to see her, will someone tell me? She's my only daughter!"  
  
"I really am sorry about this sir. I will call you regularly with updates, and let you know the moment you can come to visit. Shana and I...we were close friends." His voice caught a little at that, giving away a hint of his feelings.  
  
Sean's voice lost the edge, "You are the gentleman who was going to be accompanying her home for the holidays? She spoke highly of you. Thank you. I'll trust you to keep me updated."   
  
Duke couldn't say anything for a moment, the emotion of the situation overwhelming him. Finally he found his voice, "I'll make sure you find out all updates." Coincidentally, his beeper buzzed with the number from sickbay. "Sir, I'm getting paged right now that there is information on her, I'll call you when I get the update. Thank you for your understanding."  
  
"Take care of her Sargeant. I'll be waiting to hear." Duke hung up the phone and practically ran to sickbay.   
  
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Snake-Eyes, Hawk, Flint and Jaye were there too, arms around each other and concerned. Doc nodded when Duke joined the gathering. "Alright. I wanted to give you the group update to lessen the rumors that would fly. She is awake. She is talking. She can feel and move all parts of her body." A generalized sigh of relief went up. "She is very disoriented. This is to be expected, only time will tell how much of it will go away. You can all go in, one at a time, I don't want to overwhelm her, but I know you five will find some way to see her anyway and I'd rather have some control over it."   
  
Hawk nodded and went in first, as the rest of the group stayed around to talk nervously and wait for their turn. One by one, they each went in, seeming fairly hopeful and pleased when they exited her room. Finally, it was Duke's turn and Flint clapped him on the shoulder, knowing the guilt his friend was feeling and also knowing that Duke had feelings for Scarlett, but not knowing they had acted on those feelings.  
  
Once inside, he put on a smile when he saw her sitting up in bed a little and smiling. Relief coursed through his body. If she was the luckiest woman on earth, then he was the luckiest man, because she looked none the worse for the wear. He looked to make sure the door was closed and no one was eavesdropping. "Hey beautiful. You gave me a scare today." He went straight to her side and reached out to touch her face, frowning a little when she flinched.   
  
"Um. It's nice to see you too, sir." She seemed to have been thrown off balance by his familiarity.   
  
Duke looked at her puzzled, she never called him 'sir', even before they became friends. He searched her eyes for true recognition, and realized there was none. She called him sir because he had a military uniform. "You don't know who I am." more of a statement than a question.   
  
She paused, then shook her head. "I'm sorry, I don't." She did seem genuinely sorry, knowing from his greeting that she probably should know him. "Do you know what I'm doing here?" Since she admitted finally that she didn't remember some things, she figured it was safe to admit to more and at least get some answers.   
  
"You were shot Shana." He saw a frown flit across her face and then steal down to the hospital bracelet she wore, 'Shit, she doesn't even know who she is, disorientation my ass!' Duke thought to himself. "Scarlett, a man shot you. I'm Duke. We're close friends." She nodded to that bit of information and he continued, why didn't you tell Doc you were having trouble remembering?"  
  
She seemed puzzled, "You're the only person who has come to see me." Duke looked at her, dumbfounded. 


	3. And You Are? And I Would Know You From?

Doc came out with a frown to the worried waiting group outside of Scarlett's room after Duke had notified him of the additional complication. "Thank you Duke, she was trying to just pretend she knew what was going on because she was scared." He sighed, then continued, "But it means we have a more serious problem. It looks like her memory has been damaged. Right now, she doesn't remember who she is, or anything about herself. That could be from the trauma, as a physical or psychological factor." He cleared his throat unhappily, "But, it also appears that her short term memory has been damaged. Again, we won't know if it is permanent until she's had time to recover."  
  
"What do you mean her short term memory is damaged?" Jaye looked confused.  
  
"Right now at least, she can't move things from her short term memory to her long term memory. So you can have a conversation with her, explain what is going on, and in 20 minutes to a day, she will again have no knowledge of what happened to her."  
  
"She knows nothing? How is that possible? She was able to understand my signing." Snakes signed, the concern and frustration evident on his body.   
  
Doc frowned a little, digesting that, "Well, she likely has access to things on a subconscious level. Which gives me hope that the overall amnesia is reversible."  
  
"What about the short term loss?" Duke finally spoke from where he had been standing and brooding.  
  
"That is most likely physical and only time will tell if it goes away or improves."   
  
Duke sighed, "Well, I should go tell her father. I'd like to arrange it so they can visit at some point, probably in a neutral location, if she can be moved. Otherwise, for now, I think it is best if she is kept on base."  
  
Hawk nodded, "I agree. The reemerging memories make her dangerous to us, and the inability to tell friend from foe makes it dangerous for her."   
  
Agreement came from the rest of the team and they split apart to spread the information on her condition.  
  
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After having spoken with her father again, Duke returned to sickbay to sit with her a while. He opened with door, peeking in to make sure she was awake, "Mind if I come in?"  
  
She smiled and nodded, "Come on in." She tried to cover the loss because it made her feel so vulnerable, but it was very disconcerting when she did it.  
  
"Do you remember who I am?" He held onto the hope that she would just suddenly pop out of this. She shook her head sheepishly and he continued. "My name is Conrad, we work together and are very close friends."  
  
She nodded and wrote something down on in a notepad. He resisted the urge to go look over her shoulder, keenly aware that as far as anyone knew, he was only her commanding officer and he didn't know how to deal with that yet. As she kept writing, curiosity got the better of him. "What are you doing?"  
  
She gave a sly smile, so close to the ones she used to give him when he was teasing her, it hurt. "Cheat sheet." She looked down at the paper, "I'm Shana, but people call me Scarlett. I'm in a hospital, I was shot, everyone just calls my doctor 'Doc', and he's a black man who wears glasses and olive drab."  
  
He couldn't help but smile, "Clever Shana. How am I described?"   
  
"Tall, big, blonde military guy. Goes by Conrad." She frowned a little, "How is it that I can recognize that you are military but I can't remember that I am?" She let out a frustrated sigh and Duke resisted the urge to take her hand to comfort her.  
  
"You were shot, that will take a while to bounce back from." He gave her a reassuring smile, "But I know you will. You are one of the best out there."   
  
"We were good friends, weren't we." She watched his body language as he stood speaking with her. He choked a little when he tried to speak, and instead just nodded.  
  
A moment passed in silence and then he said, "And I was in the plane with you before it crashed and you were shot. I'm sorry Shana." He cleared his throat a little to cover his nervousness, then sighed. "I should probably go. You need your rest." She nodded vaguely and laid down in the bed, closing her eyes. As he left, she heard him whisper, "I love you Shana."   
  
She looked up as he walked away, reaching for the pad, but then weariness was overtaking her and she decided to close her eyes again, she would remember that, she was sure of it. She repeated "Conrad loves me," to herself a few times, to help her remember.  
  
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Later that night Flint came into Duke's room, bringing a 6-pack of beer. "How are you holding up buddy? I'm sure this is pretty hard for you."  
  
Duke took the offered beer and downed half the bottle in one gulp, "You have no idea. This is a mess whichever way you look at it. She's not going to be able to leave here really until she either recovers fully or we find a way to make sure she can't accidentally betray us. Her dad is pissed that he still has to wait longer to see her...And I hate seeing her like this."  
  
Flint nodded, "We all do buddy. And I know you feel guilty, but you shouldn't You were doing what needed to be done. You had no way to know things would end like this."  
  
Duke nodded morosely. He took another swig of his beer. Flint watched him for a moment, then stood up. "Wait here, you need something more than just beer." Before Duke could protest, Flint was out the door.  
  
"Oh great, just what I need, a stripper or something," He rolled his eyes at Flint, knowing he likely wouldn't be pleased by what he brought back. But nothing had prepared him for when Flint returned and Duke saw what he had in tow. "Jaye...." Duke said politely, while looking back to Flint, "Is there something I can do for you?"  
  
"You can invite me in to start with." He nodded and moved aside so she could walk in. Flint waved and them turned to leave. Duke shot him a questioning glance but only received a smirk in reply. Jaye had settled herself on the couch with a beer, "Now I'm comfortable. This isn't about me, it's about you. You're pretty torn up about Scarlett and Flint thought I'd be better to pry an emotional conversation with you.  
  
Duke rolled his eyes a little and got another beer from the kitchen, "You want anything?" She shook her head and they both sat down on the couch together.   
  
"How is she doing?"  
  
"About the same. Which isn't really great." He picked at the label on his beer.  
  
"How are you doing?" She watched him carefully as he replied.  
  
"I don't know honestly. This is just so strange and I don't know how to deal with it." He gave an exasperated sigh.   
  
"Do you regret not telling her how you feel?" Jaye prodded carefully.  
  
Duke weighed telling her the truth, but felt he couldn't because he couldn't talk to Shana about it first. "Maybe. I just wish I had been there to protect her."  
  
"She cares about you too Duke. She doesn't like to talk about it, but she really does."  
  
He nodded silently then said with a wry smile, "Now is not the best time to deal with all this because no matter what I tell her, she'd just forget in twenty minutes." Jaye chuckled softly. "But honestly, I'm not sure what to do with her. Once she is as better as she will be for a while, I can't decide whether she needs to be kept here or sent home. It's not like we can force her to live out the rest of her life here with us. And what would be done with her after we retire? There's so many considerations there. On the other hand, she potentially could be a security leak if she were to regain her memories. But how likely is it that she would? And if she would, she would probably remember she shouldn't tell anyone about things." He gave a tired sigh.  
  
"That is a difficult question to ask. What does her father say?" Jaye furrowed her brow a bit.  
  
"He is alright with her staying here for now, for protection, but I don't know about the long term. I don't want to send her away, But most importantly, I just want to do what is best for her. I just want to be able to fix this!" His voice showed his frustration with the situation.   
  
Jaye leaned over and gave him a hug, "I know you'll be able to figure out what she needs. And I hold onto hope that she will regain her abilities." She tried to sound as hopeful and reassuring as she could.  
  
"Thanks Jaye." He stood up, "I have to run into town for a couple of things, either of you want to tag along?"  
  
"What are you getting?"   
  
"Just a couple of little get-well soon gifts."  
  
Her curiosity piqued, she stood up too, "Like what? Jewelry? What?"  
  
He rolled his eyes, "Nothing like that. Something that will maybe help her." He shrugged, "I just have to do something."   
  
"I understand Duke. I think Flint and I will hang back, but good luck. You're doing a great job by her so far."  
  
Duke smiled, "Thanks, that means a lot to me. That's all I want to do. I just don't want to make this any worse than it already is for her."  
  
Jaye nodded and opened the door and Duke went out to buy his surprise for Scarlett. 


	4. Release

The holidays are over, and with them will likely cease the ultra rapid updates. But, have faith gentle reader, I will be writing as fast as I can :)  
  
General disclaimers apply. :D   
  
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The next day after his morning duties had been attended to, Duke hurried to the infirmary to give Scarlett her gifts. He nodded to the nurse outside of her room, knocking before entering. When she said he could come in, he slipped into the room, shutting the door behind him. A pang of anguish struck him when he saw her.   
  
Jaye had apparently brought in some of her things so she didn't have to wear a gown. And sitting there, firey red hair pooled around her shoulders and the electric blue silk camisole that he had given her on her body, it was almost too much to bear. He recovered though and stepped forward, watching as she stole a glance at the pad of paper. "Good morning Shana."  
  
With a note of triumph in her voice, "Good morning Duke." He couldn't help but smile back at her. She never let anything hold her down for long.   
  
"I brought you a couple of things." He wasn't sure how to finish the sentiment, because it seemed odd enough he was sure, so he just handed her two boxes, unwrapped.   
  
She looked at him curiously as she took the boxes from him. "What are these?"   
  
He grinned a little, "Open them and find out. They're all practical, so I apologize for that."   
  
She looked at him, her mind hiding all the details of her life, but yet she felt safe and comfortable with him. She took the first box and drew in a breath, there were two pieces of jewelry. She looked up at him oddly, "I thought you said these were practical gifts." She had an urge to make more notes on him, but didn't want to appear rude.  
  
"Well, they are practical jewelry." He stepped forward and took the first one, a choker necklace with a medic alert pendant. "Lift your hair up so I can put this on you." She did as instructed and he inhaled, smelling her shampoo, feeling the warmth coming off of her skin, then latched the necklace securely around her neck. "Keep that on always. If you get lost, it will help us get you back. It will let them know what's going on with you."   
  
"Thank you," She was visibly touched by his concern and the gift. He took the next one, a woven bracelet with a small metal plate on it. He expertly looped it around her left wrist and tied it securely.   
  
"Hold on." He grabbed a pitcher, disappeared into the bathroom, she heard the water running and he came back out. "Careful, it's hot, but it shouldn't be too bad. Stick your hand in."  
  
"Huh? Why?" She obliged anyway, hissing a little when the hot water hit her skin.  
  
"It's linen. The hot water will cause it to shrink a bit around your wrist, and around the knots, making it more difficult to get off." She still looked puzzled as she pulled her hand out, a lobster red from the heat. "Look at the plate. Don't want it to ever come off accidentally. The one around your neck is for others. This one is for you."  
  
She turned her wrist over and examined the plate. It was engraved, and it simply said, 'Lost Scared Trouble Call: 1-888-555-8734'. She dried her hand off carefully, then looked up at him gratefully. "Thank you again."  
  
"That will get to me any time day or night and you won't ever need money to call it." She nodded as he pushed over the next box. "Don't forget about this one."  
  
She smiled and opened the bigger box and her eyes widened a bit. "Wow." It was an advanced hand-held computer with all the bells and whistles.  
  
Duke leaned over to show her a couple of things, "This is a little digital camera. You can take pictures of the people you need to remember and then write their profiles with the picture, so you can flip through it. It will help you keep track of things easier. It also accepts voice notes too." He was happy to see the look of joy and pleasure on her face.   
  
"Thank you so much Conrad, these were all so thoughtful." She beamed as she looked through her new computer, as he looked around quickly and gingerly gave her a hug. He wanted so much to tell her and everyone else about how much he loved her but now, it was too late. He pulled back quickly, afraid of someone walking in or making her uncomfortable. She looked at him with concern, "Are you ok? What's wrong?"  
  
He forced a smile. "Nothing. I'm fine. The necklace and bracelet look great on you. I hope the computer helps."  
  
She looked down at her wrist then touched the braid, "Why is it wet?" She looked around, "Did I knock over a glass?" He was at a loss for words, pained by her frustration. "What does the necklace look like?"   
  
"It's just something to help keep you safe. I'll be back later." He couldn't stand it anymore. This was too difficult, having to repeat everything once she got distracted by something else.  
  
"Thank you for coming to visit me Duke. Have a great day." She gave him a friendly smile and he turned sharply and strode angrily out of the room.  
  
She watched him, puzzled, as he left; she could read the anger in his body but not understand it.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jaye sat down in Flint's lap, him letting out a small 'oof'. She backhanded his shoulder. "I'm not that heavy!"  
  
Flint smirked, "You're not sitting on your own lap."  
  
She narrowed her eyes at him playfully, "YOu better watch it mister. Don't make me send you back to your room."  
  
He slipped his arms around her, "Can't do that. I have to stay here with you. Wouldn't want you getting scared in the night in this big suite all by yourself."  
  
That dampened Jaye's mood a bit, thinking of her missing suitemate. She slid off of Flint's lap, leaving her legs on his lap, sighing softly, "I don't know how to deal with this. They are both in need of so much help and I don't know how to fix it."  
  
Dash rubbed her legs gently, "You can't Allie. Shana is only going to be helped by time, prayers and medical care. Conrad, well, I'm not sure he can be helped."  
  
"There has to be something we can do. He's beating himself up about having to decide her long term status potentially, and that is a heavy weight on his shoulders. In addition, this is the woman he loves, but has never told her his feelings. He can't even tell her now because she'll not remember it. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been better if she had died." The last sentance was an ashamed whisper.  
  
Dash gave her a long hard look, "It would have been easier. But when have Joes opted to only take the easy path? We don't. And we know the risks when we come into it. Conrad will get through this. Shana will, well, she'll continue on as she is or she'll receive a miracle. Either way, she wouldn't know the difference." Jaye gave him an annoyed look, "It's true Jaye. With the way she is now, every four hours is a new existence to her. She doesn't know to miss it and if she does miss it, she'll forget about missing it in a short time. It's harsh, but it is true." He looked over to see Jaye crying and he moved to cradle her in his arms, "I'm sorry Allie. We're all going to have to stumble through this. It would have been easier another way, but who knows what the future may hold."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Snake Eyes was in his room, writing in his journal. He was upset by this, he had done so much to save her in the past, and now, she was left with a life, but not her own. He thought back on his sister and wondered why all the women he cared for ended up hurt or dead.   
  
Nearly a year ago he had tried to approach Scarlett about his feelings. He'd always cared for her, they were close friends and she was one of the few that could see his real face without him being ashamed. She was gentle, nothing less than what he would have expected from her. She made it clear that she loved him like a brother, but nothing more, and she felt his feelings for her were stemming from the guilt over not saving his sister. He wasn't sure anymore. With this tragedy befalling her, he questioned everything about their relationship. He'd never be able to really settle it. He wished he could turn back time and change so many things.  
  
Here in the privacy of his room, he didn't wear the mask, which somehow made it easier to cry.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In his quarters, Duke's thoughts unknowingly echoed many of Snake's, and after everything that had happened, he finally allowed himself to break down and cry.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In her room at the hospital, Scarlett woke up alone. She was disoriented for a moment, then saw the pad of paper with the words explaining her situation. She felt such an emptiness in her, knowing that something should be inside her but wasn't and she couldn't bring it back. She was a husk of a person, nothing but a burden on those who cared for the person she once was. She lay in the dimly lit room and cried herself back to sleep. 


	5. Fear and Loathing in the Pit

This chapter is going to be written from Shana's PoV. Hopefully it's not too confusing. Thanks for playing along everyone!  
  
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She rolled over and opened her eyes, daylight was streaming into the room she was in. She sat up, looking around for people here, she wondered what was going on. She saw a pad of paper and a computer sitting on the table next to her bed. She read the summary of what was wrong with her and frowned in consternation.   
  
She started the computer up, looking through the notes she had already made, and flipping through the pictures she had in there already. A doctor, a nurse, a few other people. She was in a military hospital, but oddly the people didn't seem to wear real uniforms. How did she know they weren't real uniforms she wondered.   
  
There was a knock on the door, then a nurse came in, IV, one of the ones she had a picture of already.  
  
"How are you feeling this morning Scarlett?" Ivy checked her pulse, temperature, blood pressure and breathing.  
  
"A little confused. How long have I been here?"   
  
"8 days now." She gave Scarlett a sad smile. They had this conversation every morning.  
  
Scarlett nodded and looked back at her computer, looking at the bracelet on her wrist and the words inscribed. She was touched by the sentiment on it. Whoever gave that to her must really care for her. She looked up at the nurse, "Are my mom and dad here?"  
  
Ivy sighed, "No honey. Your dad is still in Georgia waiting til you can be moved. Your mom passed away over twenty years ago."  
  
Tears sprang to her eyes at losing a mother she didn't even remember. She inputted a few items into the computer. 'Bracelet, who does it call?' "Mother dead, father in Georgia." She noticed more notes on the pad of paper she had on her desk, that she had brothers, also in Georgia.  
  
"How much longer will I be in here?" She listened as she copied information from her notepad to her computer.  
  
"You'll probably be released to the base soon I would think. Besides your memory problems, you are recovering nicely." Ivy finished the charts in the room and bid Scarlett farewell and left again.  
  
Scarlett sat alone on her bed, her knees drawn up to her chest. She felt so lost and alone. She looked down at the bracelet and thought about calling the number. She wondered who was at the other side. Was she married? Did she have kids? She looked down at her hands and didn't see any rings. So apparently not.   
  
She looked around then carefully swung her legs off the bed and then stood up. It felt good to be on her feet again. She closed her eyes and tried to relax. Her body seemed to automatically want to do movements to relax and so she allowed it to, the stress fading from her muscles as she unwittingly did Tai Chi.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She was startled out of her near trance by a knock at the door. She jumped, looked around wildly, wondering where she was and what she was doing here. She was obviously in a hospital room, but she felt mostly ok, except for a sore spot on the back of her head. The knock came again and she quietly slipped over to right behind the door, so hopefully she could see who was coming in and protect herself if needed.   
  
The door finally cracked open a bit and someone peered in, opening the door fully and rushing in when he no longer saw her in the room. All she saw was a man dressed all in dark colors with a mask and she lept forward, kicking him in the back of his knee, then running out the door, closing it and locking it behind her. The masked man said nothing and she saw a rustle of movement off to her left and quickly ducked around to the right to hide. She was in a hallway and carefully crept through the halls. She came on a supply closet, ducking in there as she heard a woman raise an alarm that she escaped.   
  
She grabbed a syringe and unscrewed the lightbulb quickly, moving to the corner of the closet, crouching down defensively. She heard commotion outside of the closet and tried to stay on guard. The door slowly opened, and a large man stood in the doorway. His voice was gentle and caring it seemed. "Scarlett, it's alright. No one is going to hurt you." She cocked her head to the side, listening. There was pain in his voice as well. "I'll move away from the door. Just. Come out. Read your notes. No one will try and stop you." His voice dropped to a hoarse whisper, "Please Shana. I know you are scared, but come out. No one here will hurt you."  
  
She shook as she listened. She didn't know what was going on, but something inside of her wanted to trust the stranger in the doorway. She wasn't getting out of here and he could have tried to take her by force but he didn't. She thought for a moment more, tears streaming down her face, then stood up, moving slowly to the light and showing she did not mean to attack with the syringe. She saw the blonde man relax with relief as she started walking out. He took a half step towards her, but seemed to change his mind and stayed where he was. He just pointed towards where she had come from, "Your room is that way. There are some answers there."  
  
She still didn't fully trust him, but something inside of her told her she should. But she returned to the room, seeing the small computer and notepad, skimming them both. "Oh God," She moaned. She was attacking her friends. She wasn't taken prisoner, they were taking care of her.  
  
Or were they? How did she know that she actually compiled this information? She hated feeling like this. She looked down at her wrist, seeing the message inscribed there, back at the door to her room which she quickly returned to and closed. She went to the phone and dialed the number, all the while watching the door.   
  
"Hello." It was the same gentle voice that coaxed her out of the closet. She didn't say anything for a moment, trying to figure out whether this was all an elaborate ruse to lure her into complacency, but she wanted to trust the voice. The voice continued when she didn't speak, "Can I come into your room? Please?"  
  
"Yes." It was a whisper that she wasn't even sure he could hear. She saw the door open and a man on a cell phone slipped through, closing the door behind him.   
  
He spoke softly as he walked in, hanging up the phone once he was sure she saw that he had it and confirmed he was the same person on the phone. "Shana, it's alright. No one is going to hurt you here. We all care about you very much. We're sorry you got scared."   
  
"Oh God, how can I do this?" She crumpled onto her bed, crying, and the man quickly came over and held her as she cried.  
  
"Shhhh. Honey, I know you are scared. We all are. But you are strong and you can deal with this. We'll all help you, just try and trust us."   
  
"But how can I know? Why did this have to happen?"   
  
The man kissed her forehead. "I don't know Shana." He sighed and stroked her hair lovingly. "But we're all here with you and supporting you."  
  
She nodded, feeling safe and secure for these few moments in his arms, but not sure how she could go on like this. She was exhausted after the adrenile rush from before. He seemed to pick up on that and whispered to her quietly, "Why don't you lay down and go back to sleep? I have to go to work, but I'll make sure someone is here when you wake up so you aren't alone."  
  
"Thank you." She didn't even know his name, but for ill or good, she was trusting him and laid back on the bed to close her eyes, afraid of waking up and having to deal with this again and again. 


	6. Misconduct

Snake-Eyes watched the scene play out, waving off the nurses who wanted to look at his knee, which was swelling slightly. He was frustrated and angry; at her and himself. He was upset that he had scared her, that he couldn't be seen without this damn mask so he wouldn't be so scary. And her! Somehow she isn't scared of Duke of course. Duke was his friend, but that didn't stop the jealousy he felt sometimes for the golden all-american. Hell, for any normal person when it came down to it. It was hard to spend your life hiding and not be jealous of those in the sun. Usually he could put it aside - usually. It was harder when it came to Scarlett.   
  
There was a small observation window and he watched as Duke calmed her down and there was a flare of fury as he watched him. Duke wasn't behaving like a CO with a wounded soldier. It was much deeper than that and the fury continued to burn slowly. He gets the rank and the girl. Great, let's just ignore the regulations he's breaking. Somewhere in his head, Snakes knew these complaints weren't really valid, that it was just envy rearing its ugly head, but it didn't make it any easier that his head knew better when his heart was breaking.  
  
Suddenly there was a hand on his shoulder and he looked over to Jaye, whose eyes told him she knew how much this episode had upset him. She pulled him a little unwillingly into a hug, speaking quietly, "It will get better." He stayed in the hug a little more easily after that. It would, he knew it. But that didn't make right now that much easier.  
  
After a few more moments, he pulled away, signing 'Thank you', and she shook her head to tell him that it was nothing. She patted him on the shoulder and gave him a sad smile. He sighed and cast a glance towards the room, then signed back to Jaye, 'How long?'  
  
She shrugged, "I'm not sure. I think they'll let her have a little more freedom soon."  
  
He shook his head in frustration, thinking she was trying to protect his feelings. 'No, I meant them. How long was it going on before this?'  
  
Now it was Jaye's turn to frown, "It wasn't as far as I knew."   
  
'Well. Then someone better talk to Duke because he's getting to close to some lines of taking advantage of a situation and he does not want me to be the one to discuss it with him.' Even without facial expression, Jaye had no trouble reading the anger and disgust of Snakes.   
  
She nodded, "Flint and I will talk to him today. If need be, we'll get Hawk involved." Snakes nodded curtly and then turned to quickly leave as he saw Duke exiting from Shana's room. His knee still hurt but he refused to limp and show any signs of weakness.  
  
Duke sounded tired as he watched Snakes go, turning to Jaye, "You told him it wasn't his fault, right?" She gave him an odd, annoyed look and he looked back, bewildered, "What? What's goiong on?"  
  
"You and I need to talk. Not here." His eyes slipped back to Scarlett's room and she put a hand on his arm, "Now. Flint will stay here."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jaye closed the office door behind them and sat down in a chair. Duke sat at his chair behind his desk and steepled his fingers, looking expectantly at Jaye, "What is this about?"  
  
"What in the hell are you doing Duke?" He recoiled a little at the vehemence in her words, "Are you trying to get yourself discharged?"  
  
"Slow down Jaye, what are you talking about?" Duke seemed honestly confused.  
  
"Duke, I know you have feelings for Scarlett, but get a grip. You're getting really close to creepy freak territory. She's wounded and not there mentally and you're trying to take advantage of that!"  
  
Duke groaned softly, "It's not like it looks."  
  
"It better not be because if you were treating me the way that you are treating Scarlett right now, Flint would have your head on a plate. Snakes is about ready to put yours on one, and if you don't wise up, it'll be Hawk who has your rank on it along with your head."  
  
He clenched his jaw at the acusation, but realized that it did look pretty damn off to the outside. He slumped a bit and decided that he had to tell her and possibly others. Either way, he might be losing his job. He had no choice and decided to admit the truth. "Shana and I have been seeing each other for around 3 months."  
  
Jaye stared at him, gaping. "WHAT?!?!" She was absolutely shocked that either Scarlett kept this from her or Duke was inventing this to try and save face.  
  
He nodded a little and shrugged, "We were keeping it quiet because we knew it was against regs. We decided that if at 6 months we still were seeing each other, we'd try and figure out how to tell people."  
  
"I don't mean to doubt your word, but I do damnit. How could she hide this from everyone? Especially me?" Jaye was confused and upset at all the different thoughts running around her head.  
  
He looked at her pointedly, "How often were you sleeping at your quarters?"   
  
She nodded and the gazed at him, "So she was staying at yours? It was serious?"   
  
He didn't say anything at first, just nodded. Finally he added a bit uncomfortably, "We were...ARE...in love."  
  
Jaye leaned back and sighed, looking at him, "Is there anyone who can confirm this? I'm sorry Duke, but Scarlett can't speak for herself and Snakes is pissed off and if this gets out without some corroboration of your story, you're screwed."  
  
"I don't know. I don't think so. Her family didn't really know. I was going home with her for the holidays to meet them finally. But they thought I was a friend." He sighed, thinking, "Mainframe. Ask him. He knows everything that is going on on this base."  
  
Jaye arched a brow, "Really?"  
  
He shrugged, "He monitors most of the security cameras. When he has night duty, it's pretty funny to see him down there. He gets popcorn for himself on good nights. He knows how to keep his mouth shut though about what he sees."  
  
Jaye nodded, "Well, then I'm going to go talk to him. I highly suggest you stay in this office until I get back."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Mainframe was working on designing a new database for the upcoming inventory. He nodded to Jaye as she strode into the control room. She closed the door and pulled up a chair close to him, as he watched with a bemused grin, "Finally decided to dump that loser Flint and come on over to Mainframe?"  
  
Jaye rolled her eyes, "No, jerk. I heard you had the goods on some things."  
  
Mainframe looked away and shrugged, "I don't know about that."  
  
"This is important, ok?" She stared at him long and hard, "I need to know who has been sneaking into whose quarters for the past couple of months."   
  
Mainframe chuckled a little, "Don't worry Jaye. Flint doesn't have eyes for anyone else but you."  
  
Her tone turned harsh, "I need to know everyone."  
  
His tone became hostile at her change, "Look Jaye, I don't think you are in a position to be ordering me around."  
  
"No. I'm not, but Hawk or Flint can and they'll be coming next if I don't get my answers right now."   
  
"Fine," he was clearly annoyed but told her anyway, "You better keep this quiet. My ass could be grass if people find out that my lips are flapping. Of course, you going to Flint. Worst kept secret relationship on Post. IV seems to have a thing going with Ace lately, but I'm not sure if it is going anywhere. Cover Girl isn't seeing anyone, but she still tends to sneak out so she can play poker with some guys." He paused, looking around nervously.  
  
"And....? There's a woman you haven't mentioned."  
  
He licked his lips nervously, "You didn't hear it from me. But. Every night you are at Flint's, she apparently has been having late night debriefings with her CO." He couldn't supress a small grin. "Pun intended."  
  
Jaye let out a breath in relief, muttering quietly, "Thank God. Do you have any security tapes still that will back that up?"  
  
Mainframe looked at her oddly, "What's going on? I do, but why would you need them? I'm not going to be part of blackmailing Duke if that is what you want.   
  
"No no. It's just that since Scarlett's accident, there's been some concern with Duke's behavior towards her. That it wasn't strictly professional. And if they weren't seeing each other before this happened...." She trailed off.  
  
He understood. "He'd get in hot water for trying to take advantage. No. That's not what was going on. They were actually pretty cute to watch. You and Flint are fun for your fights. Duke and Scarlett were fun because how much they seemed to love each other." He paused for a moment, "Did you really think that Duke would be the type of guy to do that?"  
  
She sighed again and shook her head, "No. I didn't think he wouldn, but I had to be sure. Thanks Mainframe."  
  
"If you ever change your mind about Flint, I'll be here waiting! 


	7. Clearing the Air

As soon as Jaye left his office, Duke felt his fury rising over the not so subtle accusation. He looked at the clock and decided to go see Shana quickly, make sure she was still doing alright after her scare. Of course, she probably wouldn't even remember it, he thought bitterly. He exited his office and headed down towards the sickbay.  
  
As he neared, a dark figure stepped out in front of him in the hallway. Duke glared as Snake Eyes blocked his path. He knew the ninja had been the one to rouse suspicion with Jaye and who knows who else. "Move." Snakes eyes were hidden, but he was sure the animosity was mutual.  
  
Snakes shook his head and signed slowly to be sure Duke understood, 'Not until I speak with Jaye and Hawk.' He folded his arms and just stood there.  
  
Duke's jaw clenched in anger watching him, while his hands formed into fists without thought. "You better watch who you accuse of what Snake Eyes. This does not concern you." He attempted to brush by the other man.  
  
Snakes put an arm out to block him and Duke weighed his options. He wanted to slug Snakes very badly, but knew that it wouldn't solve anything, especially because Snakes was more adept at hand to hand combat. Instead, he dropped his voice low, "0900 tomorrow morning, there better either be a written apology on my desk or a resignation. It will be your choice as to which." With that, he turned on his heel and returned to his office. He could feel Snakes burning a hole in his back with his glare but the fury was beginning to dissapate again. He couldn't waste time being pissed off, he needed to make sure Scarlett was still ok.  
  
He closed his office door again, dialing the number to the nurse's station quickly. He received a report on Scarlett's condition and was placated. She was still sleeping off her earlier episode. He made a meeting with Doc to discuss her options in the future for the next day and then hung up the phone as a knock sounded on his door.  
  
"Come in." He sounded tired and felt exhausted. This whole situation was fairly taxing, even without the new complications.   
  
Jaye walked in appearing sheepish and apologetic. "I'm sorry Duke. I should have known better."  
  
He folded his arms, "Yes, you should have. Do you really think that I am the kind of person that would do something like that? Especially to her?" Now a bit of hurt edged into his voice.  
  
"You're right. I'd like to plead temporary insanity due to all the issues around here. Please forgive me Duke? I should have known better on a professional level and a personal level." Jaye's eyes and tone expressed her regret as much as her words.  
  
He nodded, relaxing his shoulders a bit with a sigh, "It's ok. We've all been under huge amounts of stress." He took a deep breath, "No matter what, I was still doing wrong. I shouldn't have a relationship with her. We know that."  
  
"Neither should Flint and I. You know that is the rule that is always broken because of the realities of our unit." Jaye tried to sound reassuring. She couldn't help but sadly notice how Duke always spoke of Scarlett in the present tense, with no indication that he thought she wouldn't come back to him.  
  
"If it doesn't cause problems. And when this reaches Hawk, it will be causing problems. Whatever it is, I'll deal with it." He ran his fingers through his closely cropped blonde hair. "Just, find Snakes and get him off my ass. We almost came to blows earlier in the hall and I want to go see Shana, and I know he won't let me until he speaks with you."   
  
Jaye was now starting to worry about Duke, he sounded very tired and she can't imagine the stress he was under, especially considering his relationship with Shana. Her voice was gentle, "You should have told Flint or I. We would have kept it quiet."  
  
"I couldn't Allie. Shana wasn't been ready to tell people and I feel like shit for having said anything even now."   
  
She nodded, understanding how his code of honor was getting tangled with this situation. She stood and walked around the desk, giving him a light hug, "Get some rest, ok?"  
  
He nodded, "After I see Shana, I'll rest for a while." And of course, after talking to Hawk, and any others who had decided that he was the pervert CO. And the mounds of paperwork he had been ignored. And calling Shana's family again. He just sighed and Jaye walked out, feeling terrible for making his difficult time worse.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Jaye went directly from Duke's office to sickbay, and much like Duke's experience, Snake Eyes stepped out of a doorway. He noted her agitated posture and waited for her to speak.  
  
Instead of speaking immediately, she harshly grabbed his arm and pulled him into a quiet room. "Who all have you told about your 'suspicions'?" He shrugged and pointed to her, and Jaye sighed in relief. "You haven't talked to Hawk yet?" He shook his head and then motioned for her to explain what was going on.   
  
She sighed, "It's not how it looked Snakes. Scarlett and Duke were involved before this, they just weren't telling people."  
  
'Oh is that what he said? Convenient. And of course we have no one's word except his.' Snakes' hands moved furiously.  
  
"Alright stop it Snake Eyes. Take off the green-colored glasses and look at Duke honestly, would you think he would do something as terrible as what you were thinking? I know you care about her, but Duke isn't there to hurt her." Snakes turned his head away slightly, not wanting to admit he was wrong, "There's security tapes Snakes. He's not lying." She tried to say it as gently as possible.   
  
Snakes didn't respond, just stalked away.   
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Duke was finally back at Scarlett's beside. Jaye had stopped him and told him that she had spoken to Snakes and he hadn't told Hawk yet. Small favor, but he was sure it would get around soon enough, and he supposed he wanted it to, with the other rumors. With that thought, he went and took Scarlett's hand while she slept. He rubbed his thumb gently on the smooth skin of her hand, watching her sleep peacefully.   
  
After a while of quietly sitting with her, she woke up, looking at Duke. She smiled a little and said, "Good morning," still sleepy. His heart jumped a little, hoping that this meant she knew who he was. Her eyes opened a little more and then she looked confused and scared, pulling her hand away from him.  
  
His heart fell again, he really needed to stop getting his hopes up with every little thing. He handed her the small computer and her notebook, letting her read over the notes she was collecting. Finally, she looked over at him and spoke, "Conrad...?" Testing the name out to see if it fit him. He nodded, a lump forming in his throat. "Ok. Ok." She looked down at her notes again, "This is all so overwhelming."  
  
Conrad nodded with a sad smile, "It's overwhelming to watch you have to go through it every time."  
  
"How often do I have to do this?"  
  
Very quietly, "Three or four times a day at least." He looked down, knowing she wasn't happy with that answer. It's not fun to know that you are spending most of your time awake just trying to catch up to what you have done in the past.  
  
She nodded pensively. Then she looked at him curiously, "Are you always here when I wake up?"   
  
"Not always, no. I have to work too. But there will always be a friend nearby if you need it." He reached over and touched her wrist gently. "You have that if you ever need it too."  
  
She examined the bracelet, "Who does it call? You?" He nodded to her again and her eyes turned a little more guarded, "You're just my commanding officer?"  
  
Duke was taken off-guard by that question, "Um. Well. No. Not really. I'm a close friend as well." He paused and then continued very quietly, "We were seeing each other."  
  
She frowned at this and typed some things into her computer, "Why didn't you tell me this before? I don't have any notes on it."   
  
"It was awkward. I didn't want to make you uncomfortable." He was the one who looked uncomfortable, but she put her hand back into his.  
  
"Thank you. I don't remember you, but my heart says to trust you. So I will listen to it." She gave him a shy smile and squeezed his hand. He couldn't do anything more besides squeeze back for a moment.  
  
Finally he found his voice and tried to sound normal. "Thank you Shana." He leaned down and kissed her hand tenderly. "I have to go again and get some work done, but just remember the bracelet. I'm only ever a phone call away." He stood and kissed her cheek and then walked out. 


	8. Behind Closed Doors

Disclaim disclaim disclaim ( Only my ideas are my own, the characters are the property of the lovely people who thought them up!  
  
Much thanks to my new Beta reader, Kris. Hopefully ya'll will notice a vast decrease in my typos etc now (  
  
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"They say goldfish have no memory, I guess their lives are a lot like mine, and the little plastic castle is a surprise every time. And it's hard to say if they're happy, but they don't seem much to mind." - Ani DiFranco "Little Plastic Castles"  
  
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Later in the day, Duke returned to where Shana was staying. He cocked a brow to the nurse, noting that the observation window was covered with a sheet or something on the inside. "What's going on? Is she ok?"  
  
Ivy nodded to him, "She's fine. She just has a visitor." She wasn't sure how to phrase it in a way that wasn't going to piss off the large man.  
  
"A visitor? Who?" His attitude was suspicious, "She shouldn't be left alone with people, they could...And she wouldn't even know by the time they left." He started towards the door, intending on just barging in.  
  
"It's Snake Eyes, Duke, he wanted to let her see his face so she would understand why he wore the mask and wouldn't be scared." She explained carefully.  
  
Duke reigned in his jealousy and nodded. He still wasn't thrilled with the concept and went over and knocked at the door, allowing Snakes to put his mask back on before he entered. A moment later, the masked ninja opened the door, gesturing for Duke to enter.  
  
Duke looked quickly to Shana, relaxing when she seemed just as he left her. He noted a small bowl with a little plant and a small goldfish in it. He looked at Snakes for confirmation that it was from him, and he nodded. Duke looked back to the gift and tried to figure out the meaning behind it for a few moments, then moving over to Shana's side, kissing her forehead gently. "How are you Shana?"  
  
She smiled at him, having taken the opportunity of the men's interaction to look up whom she was dealing with. "I'm ok. Bored mostly. Kind of funny when you think about it, that I could get bored. But I do." She chuckled.  
  
Snakes took that opportunity to wave to her and sign to her quickly, 'I have to leave, I'll see how you are doing later." She nodded in response, waving back, then turning back to Conrad. Snakes removed the cover from the window and then silently exited.  
  
"How are you doing?" It was suddenly awkward when they were left alone together. She knew from her notes that she was involved with this man, and yet, he was a total stranger to her. It was like meeting someone who was arranged to marry you, five minutes before the ceremony.  
  
"I'm ok. I'm glad to see you are still doing ok." He looked at the fish, then back to her, "New pet?"  
  
She frowned and followed his eyes then smiling, "Oh, a fish! What's his name?" She looked expectantly to Conrad, for him to supply the information.  
  
"I didn't bring him, Snake Eyes did." He waited patiently as she looked through her notes to find Snake Eyes and the fish.  
  
She sounded strange as she scanned the page, then spoke, "He doesn't have a name yet. He was brought as a gift so I would never be alone...goldfish don't have any memory either." She stared at the bowl, seeing the fish swimming along happily around the plant.  
  
He took a step closer and took her hand tentatively, watching her for signs of being uncomfortable with the motion. "You'll never be alone," His thumb slid up her wrist and touched the bracelet, watching the goose bumps rise on her skin with the motion, but at the same time, holding onto his hand more tightly.  
  
She murmured quietly, "Lost, scared, troubled. 8885558734." Duke squeezed her hand tightly, noting that she didn't look at her wrist for that.  
  
"Shana! You remembered that!" She looked at him, puzzled, "That number and message! You remembered it!" He tried to keep his excitement down, but perhaps this was the beginning of the end of this trial!  
  
Her face broke into the most beautiful smile he had ever seen and she spoke excitedly, "Yes, I did! Lost, scared or troubled, 8885558734!" She paused for a moment, "That calls you?"  
  
He noted the questioning inflection and nodded, confirming her thought. Maybe it wasn't all there yet, but this had to be a step in the right direction. He leaned over her and pressed the call button, summoning her nurse. The nurse poked her head in the door, looking at them, "Anything wrong?" She saw the two excited grins on their faces and waited, wondering what was going on.  
  
"I.V., go get Doc! She remembered something!" Ivy's eyes widened and then she hurried to page Doc. Duke turned back to Scarlett, kissing her cheek, "This will all be over soon love, I can feel it."  
  
She closed her eyes, feeling his body against hers and the reassuring words he held. Her body remembered him more than her mind and she had an urge to just take him into her arms and have him do the same with her and have him kiss her and maybe that would lift the gray shade that seemed to reside over her brain.  
  
"So I hear we had some small progress?" Doc's voice broke into their moment and Duke quickly, almost guiltily, pulled away from her.  
  
Duke nodded, "She remember the phone number and message on her wrist." He waited anxiously as Doc examined her.  
  
Doc smiled at Scarlett, finishing the examination quickly. "You look great Shana, how would you like to maybe try and leave here? I think it's time you could have your father come to visit." He looked at Duke for confirmation and he nodded.  
  
"We'll get you set up and fly him and your brothers in to see you." Duke smiled at her.  
  
"How many brothers do I have? How old are they?" She asked innocently, looking between the two men, "Will my mom come too?"  
  
Doc noted the look of disappointment on Duke's face when she asked that question, clapping a hand to his shoulder. "It will take time. But this is a step in the right direction."  
  
She looked at them, confused, "What do you mean? Did I do something wrong?"  
  
Duke shook his head, "No hon, you didn't. I just need to give your father a call and start setting things up." He caressed her cheek gently, "It's all going to be better soon," he dropped his voice so only she could hear it, and just barely whispered, "I love you." Then he turned on his heel and left to begin making arrangements. 


	9. To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

"Sleep sleep sleep, says the hundredth sheep, peace peace peace, may you go in peace." Paula Cole, "Hush Hush Hush"  
  
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Duke lay in bed, staring up at the blank ceiling. The day had been long and draining and it didn't look like tomorrow would be any better. He wondered whether Snake Eyes was going to acknowledge his ultimatum from earlier. He wasn't sure if he wanted the other man to, he knew that Snakes cared about Scarlett and was trying to just watch out for her. But on the other hand, despite all other things, he was the commanding officer, and he needed the trust of his men.   
  
Shana was doing so well, all things considered. She didn't seem to be really aware of the drama and strain everyone was under. She forgot it at least, even if she did. Duke wondered what to do with her long term. He tried to think solely as the First Sergeant of the unit, not as a lover, but it was difficult to separate the two under these circumstances.   
  
Tomorrow, she was going to be taken to a hotel in the nearby Albany, NY to visit with her family. He, I.V. and a greenshirt would be accompanying her, though he was only staying for a short time to speak to her family. Hawk hoped to be able get there as well to speak to her father, but he was in D.C. and was unsure of his ability to untangle himself from the red tape there.   
  
All in all, tomorrow did not look to be any easier than today. He forced his thoughts to shut down so he could get a modicum of sleep to better face the challenge.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Snakes stalked around his room, packing his things. On his desk lay a neatly typed resignation letter and an apology to Duke. He knew he let his judgment get clouded by jealousy, but the deed was done and all he could do now was be noble about it.   
  
He was still stung as well by the new knowledge of their relationship. He had half-convinced himself that Scarlett just hadn't wanted a relationship inside of the Joe team at all, and it wasn't specifically him. But clearly, she didn't value her military career that much, or she wouldn't be screwing her CO.   
  
He stopped himself, running his hands over the remains of his closely cropped hair. He still had hair in the back of his head and he usually kept it shaved but it was growing out, not that anyone would notice. Scarlett had seen him without his mask before, and she didn't seem too repelled by it, but it was hard for him to look himself in the face.  
  
Sitting down, he replaced his mask and looked over the resignation and the bags and then scrawled one note at the top, giving Duke and him the chance to possibly work through this without his leaving the team, because he didn't really want to go. This was home to him.   
  
He knew this night would hold no sleep for him.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Flint cuddled with Jaye in her room, stroking her short brown hair, "You going tomorrow?"   
  
"Nope. Supposed to be small. It won't make a difference to her if I'm there or not." She rolled over, "What would you do if something like that happened to me?"  
  
He frowned, not even liking to consider the thought, "I honestly don't know Allie. What would you want me to do?"  
  
"OD me on morphine." She didn't look at him when she said it.  
  
"No. I would never do that." He held her tighter.   
  
"I'm not kidding Dash. I wouldn't want to live my life like that. I've watched my Grandfather die of Alzheimer's." Her tone was firm.  
  
"This isn't like Alzheimer's, and what if you died but if you had had more patience, you could have recovered?"   
  
"I don't know. Do you really think she'll ever recover?" Her voice held just the faintest glimmer of hope.  
  
"I hope so. Only time will tell." He leaned down and kissed her gently, "Go to sleep, to quote Shana's namesake: 'Tomorrow is another day.' So let's just see what it brings us." He held her tightly and wished for a brighter tomorrow and an end to his friends' pain, however that could come. 


	10. On the Road Again

===========================================  
  
"I wake up scared, I wake up strange. I wake up wondering if anything in my life is ever going to change." Barenaked Ladies "A Good Boy"  
  
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Duke read the neatly typed letters on his desk, sighing. What a mess this was and there was no easy way to fix it. He read the apology from Snakes and realized how difficult that must have been for him to write. He then took the resignation and dropped it into the paper shredder. He stood up and went to the gym, sure he could find the ninja there.  
  
Sure enough, Snake Eyes was taking his anger out through physical means and Duke stood in the doorway, watching. It didn't take Snakes very long to notice the observer and he nodded curtly. Duke spoke quietly, "Resignation fell into the shredder."  
  
Snakes nodded, his expression masked as always and made the small gesture in sign language that meant 'sorry.' Duke nodded to the motion, "You should be. You got too caught up in things and were jumping to way too many conclusions. It could have ended with both of us in a lot of hot water." Snakes folded his arms, he knew all this, and part of him still wanted Duke to get into trouble for the affair, but he knew that wouldn't have changed anything.   
  
"Are you going to be a bastard to me all the time now?" An amused shrug from Snake Eyes and Duke rolled his eyes. "Listen. I know she can make you crazy and not think straight. But I need you on my team and not questioning my orders. You know the Joe team isn't typical in any of our relationships with each other and Shana and I are both adults. Do you honestly think I could have coerced her before this into doing anything she didn't want to do?" A barely visible shake of the head was his response. Snakes had to admit that Scarlett was not someone who was easy to push around.   
  
"Alright. Let's just call this over then. Go back to being the brooding bastard, just don't let it get out of control again, OK?" Duke smiled at the end of the speech and gave Snakes a clap on the back.  
  
Snakes signed to him, 'What's happening with her?'   
  
"We're taking her to a hotel in Albany to meet with her family. We thought that would be a little more low key and relaxing for all of them than a hospital, especially since she doesn't need hospital care any longer." Duke sighed, still trying to figure out the logistics of the move.  
  
'Take good care of her.' Snake Eyes turned away and Duke knew that it was meant for more than just today's plans. He left silently, letting Snake Eyes work out his issues without prying eyes.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
He looked in on Shana's room, giving her a smile when he met her clear blue eyes. Her hair was pulled into a simple ponytail that allowed him to see the bandage was still on the back of her head. She was dressed in a pair of khakis and a powder blue lightweight sweater. He saw the way her hands clutched her computer nervously, betraying her fear at always being out of sync with the world around her. Her eyes stole to her display, then giving a tentative smile as she spoke, "Conrad?"  
  
He nodded, entering the room fully, feeling a bit awkward. She knew of their relationship in that she had notes on it, but that didn't give him the confidence to touch her or behave towards her in anything but a professional manner in most circumstances. "How are you feeling Shana? Ready to see your family?"  
  
"I guess so. Father and brothers. Do they know? Has someone explained?" Her voice was concerned; she didn't want to hurt their feelings by her not knowing them.  
  
"I've been giving them regular updates. Don't worry." He gave her a reassuring smile, placing his hand over hers and giving it a squeeze for a moment. "I'm going to leave it up to you whether you want to be tranquilized for the trip. It might be a lot easier for all of us because you can be a handful when you're scared." He grinned at her, "Don't piss off the people who know more ways to kill someone than I know how to cook a chicken." She laughed easily and he was pleased to see the death grip on her computer had lessened slightly.  
  
She gave him a long look, a smile still on her face, "Go ahead and put me out. I trust you." She hesitated while speaking only slightly and he knew that it was difficult for her to put her trust out like that, when she couldn't know the truth about any situation.  
  
He gave a nod to Ivy and helped Shana lean back in the bed. "We'll take good care of you, I promise." They smiled at each other as her eyes slipped closed shortly after the needle was withdrawn. Duke picked her up easily, setting her into a wheelchair and getting her things.   
  
They left the sick bay, her bags being taken over by the greenshirt who was accompanying them. The departure from base was quiet; no one really came to say goodbye because they figured there was no point. Even if she were conscious, she wouldn't remember them anyway. They were traveling by car and Duke carefully lifted her and put her into the car, putting on her seat belt. He gestured to Ivy that she could take the front seat and he sat in back next to Shana.   
  
The drive itself gave him a lot of time to think; he had to figure out what he was going to tell her father on both a personal and professional level. Shana stirred slightly in her sleep and he took her hand, which seemed to settle her. That brought a smile to his face at least as he gently caressed her hand with his thumb. He didn't know if he could get used to this, having her so close, being able to touch her but yet being so separate from her.   
  
The trip to Albany passed too quickly and he reluctantly let go of her hand, getting out of the car and setting up the wheelchair. He gingerly lifted her and placed her in the wheelchair and wheeled her in. The whole group was in civilian clothing to allow them to blend in better and he went to the front desk, checking in under her name. That done, the group went to the suite to allow Shana to finish sleeping the tranquilizers off and them to relax.  
  
"My my, What-"  
  
"-Have we here?" Tomax and Xamot watched from the lounge of the upscale hotel, their twin gaze diverted from looking for the man they were meeting here, more interested in the crippled Joe and her escorts.  
  
"Isn't this-"  
  
"-Interesting. Yes, dear brother." Xamot nodded as he spoke, a cruel smile spreading across his lips. "I'm sure we can find someone-"  
  
"-who would love to hear of this," the smile spread to Tomax's face as well, both twins thinking greedily of the price they could fetch for this information. 


	11. Meet the Parents

Short chapter. Next will be happening just about simultaneously from another point of view so hopefully it will still make sense :)   
  
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"Under pressure, pushing down on me." Queen - Under Pressure  
  
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Duke was waiting down in the lobby for Shana's family to arrive. He was out of uniform to keep a lower profile and was anxiously pacing. He saw a flash of gray hair that he recognized vaguely; he had met her family on a few brief occasions, but not since he started seeing Shana and so he didn't take close notice. He strode up to the man, his voice quiet and respectful, "Mr. O'Hara?"  
  
The man nodded, his face stoic. Duke respected him for keeping calm under the situation, not always easy for a civilian to do in light of the unusual way that G.I. Joe works. "Yes. Duke?" Patrick held out his hand and shook the other's hand firmly, sizing up the tall broad shouldered blonde in front of him. Duke held himself like a proper soldier, without looking too uptight, looking like he could be on a poster for recruitment for the military. He knew this man had been planning on visiting their home over the holidays and although Shana had before brought home buddies for holidays, he had sensed this was different. The look in Duke's eyes did nothing to discourage those suspicions.  
  
Duke nodded, still speaking quietly, "Are her brothers here as well?"  
  
"They are going to park, get our room and settle in. Can I see her now?"  
  
He cleared his throat gently, "You can, but she's likely to be a bit groggy."  
  
"Groggy? Why?" Patrick's eyebrows furrowed.  
  
"It was her choice Mr. O'Hara. It was to give her a more peaceful trip. Just a little sedative."  
  
Her father didn't seem incredibly happy about that, but he had to trust that the other man wasn't lying to him; he had no other source of information. "How is she, overall? Has anything come back?"  
  
Duke seesawed his hand in "so-so" motion, "Yes and no. Every once in a while, she'll have something that pops out from before, or be able to remember something since. There's no rhyme or reason to it yet, but hopefully it is a good sign." He started leading Patrick to the elevators.  
  
"I've heard her talk about you before," Patrick felt a bit of pity for the man in front of him. He obviously was feeling a lot of guilt over the situation and he seemed to be very invested in Shana's recovery.   
  
He nodded tersely, "I had been looking forward to visiting over the holidays."   
  
Patrick gave him a hard look, "Isn't that sort of thing frowned on in the military?" He was clearly referring to more than just going home with her for the holidays.   
  
Trapped in the elevator, Duke felt very uncomfortable having this conversation with her father. He cleared his throat and kept his voice even and firm, "Typically, yes. Our unit is unusual though." He looked at Patrick squarely, and then spoke frankly, "And sometimes your heart doesn't care about regulations when it falls in love."  
  
The older man seemed satisfied with that answer as they arrived at the floor and stepped out, going to the suite where Shana was housed with Ivy and the greenshirt. Duke let them in with his key, nodding to the other two people there. "How is she?"  
  
Ivy spoke up, "She's still out like a light. I think she's not been sleeping well lately, so the meds hit her hard."  
  
Duke nodded with an unhappy sigh, looking to Patrick for an indication of what he wanted to do. "I don't want to wake her if she needs the sleep." He looked at Duke, "Have you thought about what the long term arrangements are going to be?"  
  
"I still don't know. This is not something we've ever had to deal with before."  
  
"I understand that son, but I don't want her kept in limbo forever. She is going to have to go home eventually."  
  
"Eventually yes," Duke said, while simultaneously thinking 'maybe', "but that could be a while off yet. She has had access to information that is highly classified. We can't just let her go onto the streets."  
  
"She wouldn't be out on the streets. She'd be with me."  
  
"Yes sir. I just ask for more time in determining what is the best and safest course of action for all involved. I do not want to put Shana in-" he broke off suddenly, the cell phone on his belt ringing quietly. He grabbed it; this was the number that Shana had. "Hello? Are you alright?" He immediately turned to the door of the connecting bedroom; it was shut. There was no response on the other end of the line. He strode over to the door and tried to open it, finding it locked. "Get it open!" He barked his order to the green shirt. They heard a crash of glass on the other side of the door.  
  
"That is a manual lock on the other side, I don't have a key." The greenshirt seemed scared to admit that to the angry first sergeant and to make up for it, tried to kick the door down without success.  
  
Duke was tempted to just pull out his gun and shoot through the damn lock, but remembered in time how thin hotel walls were and the likelihood of the bullet continuing on and hurting an innocent civilian. He pushed the greenshirt aside, kicking down the door himself, causing the frame to splinter. His blue eyes scanned the room quickly: the bed sheets were a mess, the phone was off the hook, her hand-held computer was still lying on the table and a large window was shattered. There seemed to be a great deal of glass on the inside, leading him to believe it was broken from the outside.  
  
He turned to IV, "Call HQ, get a team." He turned to the greenshirt, "Search this room, then report to the lobby and wait with IV for a team, watch for anything suspicious inside or outside the hotel. Patrick, come with me. We're going to get your sons first then see if the hotel has any useful information." He looked at IV and the greenshirt impatiently. "Go!" 


	12. Which Witch is Which?

Notes: This is another one written from Shana's point of view. I think it will be fairly obvious where this chapter overlaps with the last.  
  
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"Sweet dream left behind, I can't seem to find my way back to you." Kim Richey - "Fading"  
  
--------------------------------  
  
Shana groaned softly as she rolled over. Her head felt like it weighed a ton and she was groggy. She couldn't remember her name, where she was or what was going on. Anxiety began to rise in her chest as she heard people quietly speaking in the next room through the slightly cracked door.  
  
"...But I don't want her kept in limbo forever. She is going to have to go home eventually." She heard one man's voice speaking.  
  
"Eventually yes, but that could be a while off yet. She has had access to information that is highly classified. We can't just let her go onto the streets." Another male voice. She slipped over to the door and silently closed it, clicking the privacy lock.  
  
Her mind struggled to get through the fog. She had been drugged. She was being held because they thought she knew secrets of some kind. A phone number and message came through to her in the fog, but she wasn't sure whether to trust it. Obviously whoever was holding her was very cunning. She picked up a phone and dialed the number quickly. She heard a very soft ring in the background of the conversation through the door and in stereo, the same man that had been speaking earlier answered and asked if she was alright.  
  
She dropped the phone immediately and came up with a plan. She had to get out of the room, but she was 6 stories up at least. She couldn't jump out anywhere, but if they were concerned about the information she knew supposedly, maybe someone else was looking for her. She grabbed a chair, put it in front of the door, took off her shoe, prying off the cover of the heel, exposing the nail. She didn't know from where all these ideas were coming to her, but she was running on pure instinct and adrenaline and she listened to them. She leaned out one window then hit its neighbor sharply from the outside and somehow she knew just how to do it and it shattered inward. She dropped the ruined shoe down to the street, hearing the first thud as they tried to kick down the door and dived under the bed, making sure all the covers concealed the under-bed area, slipping off the other useless shoe.  
  
She heard as one of them destroyed the door with a powerful kick and shuddered, that was not a man to mess with. She tried to see the faces but couldn't without exposing herself. She listened to their plans and prayed that the "greenshirt" person they were talking about was not the one who took out the door. He either needed to be dumb enough to not look under the bed, or small enough that she could take him.  
  
She listened as the big man barked orders and left her alone with the smallest man. As he was searching around for clues in the room, she tried to silently sneak past him, but he turned as she was almost out the door. "Hey! Man, you gave us a sc-" His words were cut short as she expertly attacked him, hitting his solar plexus first to take the wind out of his lungs, then swiftly punching him twice and knocking him unconscious. She realized she could kill him, but somehow that felt like a bad idea to her.   
  
Shana peered out the door into the hallway. It was clear and she took off towards the lit sign with a picture of a person going down stairs. Leaping nimbly down the stairwell, she soon found herself on the main floor. There was a door to the lobby and an emergency door to the outside. She didn't want to trigger the alarm, but something caught her eye about the door. Apparently someone had been sneaking in and out of this door anyway and had taped the door latch open. She was able to silently emerge onto a darkening lot behind the hotel.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
She dashed out of the hotel, looking around wildly, and saw a car pulling though slowly. She ran towards it and it stopped. The window rolled down and a woman in the back seat looked at her expectedly and with amusement. She tried to figure out how to explain what was going on since she wasn't quite sure. She knew she was running from some men, but she didn't know exactly why. "Please help me ma'am, I'm being followed."  
  
"Really. I don't have time for games darling," the woman in the car's voice held an accent of some kind, making her always sound bored and sarcastic.   
  
Shana gave an earnest look, "Please ma'am, this isn't a game or a joke, can you call the police?"  
  
The other woman's forehead wrinkled lightly, eyes catching on the caduceus hanging around Shana's neck. She opened the door to the car and stepped out. "What's this, darling?" As she spoke, she reached out, despite Shana's flinch, to read what was on the opposite side of the medic alert medallion. She suddenly laughed, meeting Shana's eyes. "Of course I will help you darling. I know who is chasing you, they are very crafty." She pulled hard on the necklace, breaking it off, "They will try and track you." She looked Shana over and saw the bracelet, reading it and memorizing it quickly. Before Shana could react, the other woman had pulled out a knife and ran it over her wrist, cutting her skin and removing the bracelet from her wrist.  
  
Shana cried out in pain and tried to get out of the other's grip, but was unsuccessful, "What the hell are you doing?" She held her rapidly bleeding wrist, trying to put pressure on the wound.  
  
"I had to cut it off and it was so tight against your skin, that was the only way. Come with me darling, I'll fix the cut right up."  
  
"No!" She squirmed out of the black haired woman's grasp finally and was rewarded by running into a strong man with a silver mask. He grabbed her tightly and dragged her to the black car. She screamed but was thrown into the car and it sped away. She tried to fight against the people holding her to no avail.   
  
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"Stop fighting woman, you are bleeding all over this car! Do you want to bleed to death?" The man in the silver mask's voice was harsh and commanding and broke her out of her blind panic of fighting. She obediently held still and let a raven-haired woman attend to the wound on her wrist. "What happened? Who are you? What is going on?"  
  
"I am Anastasia, and this is James," the woman's voice was gentle and accented, but still somehow felt like it was mocking her. "You were injured when some men attacked you, we're taking you to safety." Anastasia exchanged a sly smile to James that made her uncomfortable suddenly.  
  
"Why can't I remember anything?" Her tone was suspicious and she hated being in this situation of being totally reliant on people who were essentially strangers to her. She hissed softly in pain as Anastasia bandaged her arm.  
  
"You have a head injury darling, you've got amnesia. Your name is Nina, and we need to get you back to our home to ensure your safety from your attackers." Anastasia was businesslike as she attended to the wound on "Nina's" arm. "Hopefully this will hold without stitches. Keep pressure on it." She released Nina's arm and watched as she scooted away, cradling her wounded arm carefully and applying pressure as instructed.  
  
Nina didn't feel right as her name, but how would she know that for sure? She couldn't say what her real name was, or whether this was right or wrong, even though her gut instinct told her there was something wrong about the way these two behaved. "Why was someone attacking me? Why does James wear a mask? It's freaky." She gave a shiver; something about the mask gave James a cruel and dark appearance, despite the glow of the neatly polished silver.  
  
There was a pause, "I think it would be best if we waited to explain all that until we are safe," was the cryptic reply that Anastasia gave her. "Don't worry darling, we'll take very good care of you." Again a small shudder, something about the tone of the woman made her feel as though she wasn't being sincere.   
  
"Where are we going?" She tried to get more information, in case her instincts were right and this was a dangerous situation and there wasn't anyone trying to attack her. But if that was the case, how did she get the cut on her arm? She continued applying pressure, wincing at the pain that radiated from the wound like a dull glow.   
  
"A safe place. Stop asking questions, you'll just confuse yourself." Now Anastasia's voice was short and impatient. She opened a cell phone and hit a button speaking quietly, but Nina's sharp ears could pick it up easily. "Hello...We have a gift for you, a lost little lamb we picked up on our way." Dark eyes behind glasses went to Nina and looked her over for a moment, "She will need a friendly person to accompany her. It would seem the lamb has hit her head and doesn't remember anything...Yes...Yes.... Exactly. See you soon too, darling." She turned back to Nina and gave her a cold smile, "Don't worry, everything will be alright now." 


	13. Which Way Did She Go?

Back to the normal PoV, again some overlap with the past chapter, thanks for all the reviews folks, this one is actually going to be wrapping up in the near future. Of course, you can blame Milareppa if it doesn't or if there is a sequel *L*  
  
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"Sweet dream left behind, I can't seem to find my way back to where you are. Fading, you are fading." Kim Richey - "Fading"  
  
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Duke and Scarlett's family went down to the front desk, expecting to meet the greenshirt and IV. He saw her, looking around quickly for the other man. She shook her head, indicating that he hadn't come down yet. Duke swore softly under his breath, today was not a day to have incompetents running around. Just as he was about to send IV back up to look for him, the elevator doors opened and out stumbled the greenshirt, looking rather beaten.  
  
"I don't know which way she went," he spoke haltingly, knowing that he let her escape.  
  
"She was by herself?" Duke demanded. When the greenshirt nodded, he swore again. He should have known better than to leave her alone. She gets alone, she gets scared, she attempts to escape. He was just about to give orders to lock down the hotel when he heard a faint cry that was familiar, and with the way her father's head turned, he knew that man recognized it too. They looked at each other, "Out there."   
  
They led the way, with her brothers, IV and the greenshirt close behind. They found the door she had exited through and heard the squeal of tires as a car accelerated away. Ice blue eyes scanned the area and his heart stopped for a moment when he saw silver glinting on the asphalt. He moved over to it, picking up the medic alert necklace and the bracelet he gave her. His jaw tensed when he saw the blood on it and on the ground. Not enough to suggest they killed her, but he vowed that they would pay for hurting her.   
  
Patrick came and looked at the items in Duke's tightly clenched hand and spoke quietly, "This is bad."  
  
Duke unclenched his jaw for long enough to nod to him, then looked at the greenshirt. "Cancel the call to HQ and bring the car around." The young man hurried off to follow his orders and Duke looked back at Scarlett's family. "I will be in contact with you soon. I'm sorry I can't give you more information." He turned on his heel and he and IV quickly followed where the greenshirt had led, back to the car, leaving Scarlett's upset and worried relatives behind.   
  
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Later, with Flint, Hawk, Jaye, Snakes and Beach Head, they sat at the conference table making plans. "Obviously this is Cobra," Jaye said impatiently.  
  
"We don't know that for sure and we can't afford to rush to conclusions," Hawk said sternly.  
  
"Cobra is the only one who would have known to remove the jewelry, the only ones who would realize we could track her with those."  
  
"I'm inclined to agree with her, Sir." Flint broke in on Jaye's side. "No one else would have the motive."  
  
"But how would they have known?" Beach Head grumbled from where he was sitting, "We better damn well not have a security leak."  
  
'It could have just been luck,' Snakes signed to the group, 'There was no way for any of us to have predicted where or when she would bolt. It was an upscale hotel, always the possibility for Cobra then.'  
  
"Alright," Hawk conceded the point finally, "Our main suspects then? Twins, Destro, Baroness, who else?"  
  
"Possibly Firefly, but this doesn't seem like his MO." Jaye spoke and Snakes shook his head at her.  
  
'Zartan or the Dreadnoks. I think they should be on the list of suspects.' Snakes' hands moved gracefully through the words.  
  
"A list of subject doesn't do us a damn bit of good when we have no idea where they are." Beach Head was pissed about the whole situation, he didn't think Scarlett should have been allowed to leave base to begin with.  
  
Through the whole discussion, Duke sat silently, listening to their discussion but also listening for the faint ring of his phone, hoping to God that she had managed to escape and would call. To his frustration though, the small silver phone stayed silent. He realized everyone was looking at him suddenly, "What?"  
  
"Get your head in the game, Duke," Hawk snapped at him, "You've got to put aside personal feelings and get the job done."  
  
Beach Head muttered under his breath, "This is why fraternizing is against regs." He tried not to wince at the sharp blow to his shins from Jaye and the dark glares from both her, Flint and surprisingly, Snake Eyes.  
  
Duke nodded, sitting up straighter, "You are right sir. We first need to find where she is, we can start by-" His words were cut off by the ringing phone, and all eyes were back on him. He answered it quickly, "Hello?"  
  
"Who is this?" Scarlett's hesitant voice came through to his ears.  
  
"This is Conrad, are you alright? Did they hurt you?" He made a motion to indicate to Flint to get Mainframe and Breaker on tracing the call.   
  
"They who? What's going on? I could just remember this number and to call it if I was lost." She sounded scared too, she was speaking quietly. He tried to determine what type of room she was in by how her voice sounded.  
  
"Shana, do you know where you are?" He couldn't help the note of desperation creeping into his voice.  
  
"I...I'm not..." He heard her words trail off and her say quietly, off the receiver, "Hello."   
  
"Shana?" He knew she couldn't hear him now though. He motioned that they needed to hurry with the trace; he knew he would be cut off soon.  
  
Duke heard through the phone, her companion speaking to her gently and he could have sworn he heard the man kiss her, "Now dear, you know you shouldn't be using the ph-" The phone clicked off.   
  
Duke was fuming and turned angry eyes to Flint, "Any luck on the trace?"   
  
Flint shrugged, "Not yet. Give it time."  
  
"We don't have time damn it." Eyes went back to him and his jaw was still tightly clenched, "She's totally helpless out there. I expect to be notified the moment anyone has any information, is that understood?"   
  
He waited until everyone nodded and then Hawk spoke, "Dismissed," ending the meeting and letting them begin their assignments to find who did this. 


	14. A Touch Can Mean So Much

This chap rewinds just a little to show from the Cobra PoV. :D Again, hopefully I'm not too confusing with these little things! Thanks for reading and reviewing!  
  
=========================================  
  
"It's crazy what you could've had, I need, I need this." R.E.M. "Country Feedback"  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Storm Shadow looked impassively at Destro, hiding his emotions on the subject, although he had a sneaking suspicion that Destro already knew, which is why he was receiving this assignment.  
  
"We're calling her Nina to help -" Destro began.  
  
"No. We know her real name, I will use it." Storm Shadow's voice was calm and firm.  
  
"It could trigger memory response though! It's too risky," Destro protested.  
  
"No. If she does start to regain memory, my using her real name will only help us."   
  
Destro sneered at him, "You just want to do it for your own little fantasy." Storm Shadow didn't react, simply staring at Destro impassively. Destro got frustrated that the ninja wouldn't get upset and then snapped, "Fine. Call her whatever you want. No matter what, she does not escape, understood?" The white clad man nodded.   
  
"She will be safe in my care." With those words, Storm Shadow turned to enter the apartment.   
  
He entered wearing his more normal clothing: white pants, shirt and coat. He removed his coat, with it his sword and other weapons. He heard the Baroness talking with Shana in the living room and silently walked over to join them. He sat down next to Shana, acting natural as he took her hand, putting on a surprised and hurt look when she flinched and pulled away slightly. He slipped into his role easily, looking to the Baroness then back to Shana with concern, "Still nothing?"  
  
The Baroness was not as proficient of an actress and he could see the smile tugging on the corners of her lips, "No, I'm sorry darling, we've had no progress."  
  
Shana looked between them, confused. "Who is this? Why is this happening?" She was clearly distraught as she spoke to the Baroness.  
  
"This is D-" she began.  
  
"Tommy," Storm Shadow supplied, already having established that they would not use pseudonyms.   
  
Anastasia gave him a look and then shrugged, continuing, "Tommy. You two will be staying here. It's safe here." Her cell phone rang and she looked at the number and stood up, "Excuse me, I must take this in private. I'll leave you two alone to talk." She glided out of the apartment as she spoke quietly into the phone.  
  
Shana looked back at the man next to her, narrowing her eyes a bit, "Why will you be staying here too? Do we know each other?"  
  
He nodded slowly, motioning to her arm and then taking it and examining it carefully as he spoke, "We've known each other for many years. We trained together." He frowned as he looked at the wound on her arm. "What happened?"  
  
She shrugged, watching his body language and the care and concern with which he treated her. "Anastasia said that I was attacked by people trying to kidnap me."   
  
His frown deepened as he pursed his lips, "This should have had stitches. I suppose it will be ok now." He redressed the wound and touched her face tenderly, "Are you alright otherwise?"  
  
She looked at him with puzzlement, something about this just didn't seem right, but she had no way to know anything else. He did seem genuine in his concern and so she nodded slowly, "I think so. Just very confused."   
  
He nodded sadly, "I wish I could make it go away. I'm sorry. All we can do is wait and hope that your memory returns." He brushed her hair back from her face as he spoke, "Would you like to lay down for a little while? Unfortunately, there is not much to do here. We can't go outside or use the phones, so we can stay hidden from those who want to hurt you."   
  
She didn't know how exciting of a morning she had, but she did feel tired. "I guess that would be a good idea." He took her hand and led her to a bedroom and settled her into the large king-sized bed.  
  
"Sleep well. Call if you need anything." He leaned down and kissed her, sitting next to her on the bed, staying with her, stroking her forehead lightly until she fell asleep. He smiled at her once more before leaving, going into the living area to fix some food for when she woke up.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Tommy was sitting and meditating about an hour later, he heard Shana's voice saying, "Who is this?" He stood gracefully and mentally swore at whoever prepared the apartment. He reached the doorway to see her speaking on the phone. The apparently took out the phones, but just hid or stored them and she found one and plugged it in. How stupid could they be? He looked outwardly calm though, because getting upset would only scare and confuse her.  
  
She spoke into the phone, "I...I'm not..." She trailed off as she saw him, her voice puzzled, letting the receiver drop a bit. "Hello."   
  
Tommy closed the distance between them, kissing her cheek lightly his hand sliding down her arm to the phone receiver hanging it up gently with her as he spoke, "Now dear, you shouldn't be using the phone. There are people who are trying to look for you to hurt you. I want to keep you safe." He pulled the bewildered woman into his arms to hold her gently.   
  
"What is going on? Why can't I remember anything except random pieces? What's wrong with me?" Tears actually began to flow as she expressed her frustration.  
  
He pulled her to sit down on the bed, sitting next to her. "You were injured and your memory was damaged, and I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you, alright? You forget everything if you get distracted."   
  
"How can I live like this? Why?"   
  
The pain and fear on her face called to Tommy and he leaned in and gently kissed her, keeping his face near hers as he spoke softly, "We'll find a way, don't worry." She surprised him by leaning in to kiss him again. He knew that she was just looking for a connection and anchor, but he was very willing to let himself be used for that purpose; it was the reason he asked for this assignment.   
  
He had fallen for her around the same time his sword brother had, and had about as much luck. He was sure it was just because of his political affiliation and so he was relishing the opportunity to be with her without that stumbling block. He would provide her a physical anchor, at least for a while. Just as he hoped, with all other distractions removed, she became his. 


	15. Critical Mass

==============================  
  
"I like it. I'm not gonna crack. I miss you. I'm not gonna crack. I love you. I'm not gonna crack. I kill you. I'm not gonna crack." Nirvana - "Lithium"  
  
------------------------------  
  
"Duke!" Breaker's voice broke into the conversation in the office. "We got a lock."  
  
Duke's head whipped around to look at Breaker and nodded. "Alright Joes. You heard the man. I need a team going out. Flint, Jaye, Stalker, Snake Eyes and Doc, you're up. Ready?"  
  
The room had a palpable sense of relief and anticipation, "YO JOE!" they yelled in unison and they broke apart to get ready to roll. Flint clapped Duke on the back, "See? I told you, it's going to be ok. We'll get her back."   
  
"We just better hurry before they move her. We may not get a break like this again." He tightened his fist around the two pieces of silver that had once adorned Scarlett, the medic alert and the one with his phone number on it.   
  
Flint winked, "I've got a good feeling. Let's rock and roll."  
  
Duke nodded tersely and they headed out in two jeeps: Doc, Duke and Snake Eyes in one, Flint, Lady Jaye and Stalker in the other. They were mostly quiet, except for radio contact between all to make plans for the extraction; none of the usual jokes or wisecracks that usually preceded a mission. Duke just wished the jeeps could go even faster, because he knew they would try and move her ASAP since they knew she made the call. He also knew that he couldn't let that happen.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Storm Shadow redressed quickly after his interlude with Scarlett. He kept his voice calm and gentle, so as to not upset her, "Come on love, we need to go."  
  
"What's going on? Where are my clothes?" Her voice was confused and scared. A wave of annoyance flowed through Storm Shadow for a moment. It was like someone kept hitting a reset button in her brain and there was no way to tell when exactly it would happen. "Where are we going?"  
  
"I can't take the time to tell you a lot, but there are people who are trying to take you away from me because they think you are someone you are not. You made a phone call which they may have been able to trace. If they did, this location is no longer secure and we need to leave."  
  
She clearly didn't understand at all, "If I just made a call, why am I not wearing anything?" She clutched the sheets around her anxiously.  
  
He sighed, walking over to her with a smile and touched her cheek, "We got distracted for a moment." He kissed her softly and then took her hand, "But we need to hurry. I can't let them take you."  
  
She searched his eyes and found honesty in his intentions so she got up, still clutching the sheet and taking the clothing he handed to her. "These don't seem to be my size...?" Even as she spoke though, she dressed in an outfit that looked remarkably like Storm Shadow's.  
  
"I'm going to put my mask on and a mask on you. Hopefully it will confuse them and in case of trouble, that might allow you to escape." He took her shoulders after she had finished dressing. "Fight if you can. You are a talented martial artist; I think it will come back to you if you let it." She nodded and he kissed her before they both put on their masks.   
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
"Jaye, Flint. Stay by the stairwell. You can see both exits from there and if she slips out we should be able to net her before she makes it to the street. As much as I hate to say it, don't be distracted by the Cobras. Recovery is our number one priority. Understood?" They both nodded, moving to their position. "Snakes and Stalker, I want you up the fire escape and coming in through the window. Keep in radio contact so we enter at the same time. Doc, you're with me. We'll take the front door. Ready?"   
  
"Yo Joe!" The group responded in unison.  
  
Duke and Doc carefully went up the stairs, mindful for traps and movement. They reached the door and Duke hit his comm, "Ready? On my count," Before he could continue, he heard the sound of glass breaking. Duke kicked in the door, sidearm drawn and ready.  
  
:::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Storm Shadow ushered Shana across the room, whispering to her as they moved, "Keep your mind focused. I know it is hard, but as long as you do not let yourself become distracted, we'll make it out. Stay with me; fight if you have to; run when you can. Ok?" His eyes met hers. She nodded hesitantly and he squeezed her hand, "You can do it Shana." He touched her face then peered out carefully down the fire escape, seeing Stalker and catching a glimpse of shadow that he assumed to be Snake Eyes. "They're here for you. Remember: Stay with me, fight and run."  
  
He guided her to the front bathroom, placing her there, with the door cracked so she could see the action. He heard the breaking of glass from the bedroom they recently vacated, repeating his earlier mantra to her, kissing her for what he feared would be the last time, through the mask. He went out to face those who wanted to take his prize.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Storm Shadow ducked into the bedroom without another look back to the bathroom where Shana was hiding. Snake Eyes attacked him as he crossed the threshold to the room. He swung around to retaliate, striking his sword brother sharply. They traded blows while Storm Shadow dodged Stalker's clumsy attacks. He was having a harder time keeping his focus, thinking of her in the bathroom and afraid of when the next reset of her memory would happen.   
  
He slashed with his shuriken and successfully drew blood on Snake Eyes' arm. Suddenly he heard a scream from the next room and quickly twisted, taking Stalker by the throat and holding his knife to his neck. Snake Eyes froze and Storm Shadow nodded to the door, speaking softly, "Out. She leaves with me."   
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Duke and Doc burst through the door, scanning quickly for any signs of Cobra. Doc made a motion to a cracked door and moved over to investigate further. Duke nodded, kicking open the door. He heard a sickening thump and a feminine scream and saw a figure in white crumple to the floor. Realization hit as to just who had collapsed and he knelt down beside her. He removed the mask gently, eyes widening in horror to see blood streaming from her ear. He looked at Doc, whose face was grim.  
  
Before Doc could speak, Storm Shadow came out with a knife to Stalker's throat. "Back away from her. She does not leave." 


	16. Breathe

========================================

"I need something to breathe,  
Baby, don't shiver now, why do you shiver now?  
I need something to breathe  
I want you to remember." R.E.M. - "Try Not to Breathe"

---------------------------------------------------------

The group stood frozen, Duke and Doc kneeling beside a bleeding and unconscious Scarlett, Storm Shadow with Stalker by the throat. Snake Eyes wasn't visible for the moment. It wasn't clear whether he was preparing an attack or gathering backup. Duke looked down at the blood puddling under Scarlett and then met Storm Shadow's eyes seeing the shock as Doc spoke the words he dreaded. "She'll die if we don't get her to a hospital right now. She was shot in the head a few days ago and she can't sustain this kind of trauma."   
  
From Duke's point of view, Storm Shadow seemed honestly surprised; likely Cobra knew her memory was gone, but not the specifics as to what happened. He was shocked though when Storm Shadow lowered his shuriken and pushed Stalker aside. Next thing they knew, he was gone. "What the hell?" Duke muttered under his breath.  
  
Stalker rubbed his throat, crouching down beside the fallen comrade, "It's an honor thing. She was wounded coming into it. I'll never understand his damn code of honor, but it worked in our favor today. Let's get out of here before he changes his mind."  
  
"Sounds like a good idea to me. Doc, how do we do this without hurting her more?" Duke was afraid to touch her, his training with head and neck injuries was always to not move the patient, but that wasn't pratical at this point.   
  
Doc looked around, trying to see anything they could fashion a backboard out of in a pinch. Short of removing a door, there wasn't, so he shook his head, "Just call for the chopper and let's get her up to the roof and loaded so we can see if we can save her.  
  
Duke hesitated for a moment, prompting Stalker to pick Scarlett up and begin the trip to the roof. Duke shortly followed behind, but the words that Doc had just spoken shook him. Doc thought this was serious enough that he wasn't sure if they could save her. He wasn't sure how in the hell this was happening. The fact she was shot apparently wasn't bad enough, now this. He didn't speak as they loaded the waiting chopper up and flew back to post.  
  
------------------------------  
  
They were at a civilian hospital and Duke felt very out of place. Even though they didn't wear typical uniforms, they stood out as being out of the ordinary, due in large part to the weapons they refused to surrender to the hospital staff. Shana's family had been called and were waiting as well. He didn't go over to speak to her father yet, guilt for having lost her in the first place and the fact that he had technically been the one to kick the door down weighed heavily on him.   
  
Flint brought him a cup of coffee. "Not that I think you need anything else to make you wired, but you will need some strength if you intend on keeping pacing." When Duke didn't reply, just slowly sipping the hot coffee, Flint continued, "You can't let it get to you. We're all in the same line of work and it could be any one of us any day of the week. It's part of the job."  
  
"I seem to remember a very pissed off Warrant Officer the last time a certain intelligence agent was wounded," Duke reminded him.  
  
Flint shrugged, "Pissed off sure. But I waited, I survived and I accepted it as part of the job. You can't put her in a glass case for the rest of her life. Memory or no memory, she's still Shana and she wouldn't want that."  
  
Duke's eyes flashed angrily, "The rest of her life might just be the next hour."  
  
Flint put his hand on his friend's shoulder, repeating the sentiment Jaye had expressed to him earlier, "Maybe that would be better. The Shana I knew wouldn't want to live her life like this forever. It was hard enough for everyone to deal with it for less than a week." Duke stalked angrily away from him and he spoke loudly, "Think about it, from how she would see it."  
  
Duke didn't want to, because he knew Flint was right. Shana would hate the way the past week has been. The fear she must feel, the uncertainty about friend or foe. He sunk down into a chair, putting his head in his hands and praying; not that she would live through surgery as he did before, but just that God's will would be done.   
  
He didn't know how long he stayed like that, at least a few hours. He stood up, composing himself and walking back to the surgery waiting area. The group was sitting and somber and no one wanted to meet his eyes. Flint reapproached him and put a hand on his shoulder, "She made it through surgery, but they don't know anything else. They're waiting for her to wake up from the anesthesia to see what damage was done."   
  
A nurse opened a door. "Duke?" She looked a bit uncomfortable calling the name out, such an informal name for such a formal and imposing group. "Shana's father asked if you would like to come back to the recovery room. They think she's regaining consciousness." Duke glanced back at Flint, and then followed the nurse back to where he would find Shana and her family.  
  
------------------------------  
  
"How is she, sir?" Conrad was solemn as he entered the room.  
  
The other man never took his eyes off his daughter, holding her hand. "They said there's good reason to be hopeful."  
  
Conrad nodded, moving to the other side of Shana's bed. Her brother moved aside to let him stand next to her and take her other hand. She stirred occasionally but then suddenly started shuddering. Panic shone in the eyes of the men around her and they called for the doctors and nurses. The nurse ran over and looked Shana over then rushed off, returned with several blankets, placing them over her.  
  
"It's an after-effect of the anesthesia. She'll be fine, don't worry. It's not a seizure, she's just cold." The nurses words brought a large amount of relief to the concerned men at Shana's bedside.   
  
Their silent vigil continued as the shivering stopped, and finally her eyes started to open and close slowly.  
  
"Good morning sweetheart," her father said as he leaned down and gave her a kiss on her forehead. Conrad still didn't say anything, letting her family take the lead and waiting to see what her mental state was like.  
  
She coughed a few times and pointed to the water which they practically knocked each other over to fetch. Conrad came away with it, giving her the cup with the straw, examining her face and eyes for signs of recognition. Finally, she spoke, "Hey Da. What happened?" Her eyes shifted between her father, brothers and Conrad and smiled weakly, "Wow. Serious enough that you all were called."  
  
"How are you feeling, honey?" The relief was palpable in Patrick's voice. She recognized all of them, that was a wonderful sign. "Brian, go fetch the doctor."  
  
"Sore. My head hurts. What happened?" She groaned softly as she shifted in bed.  
  
"What's the last thing you remember?" Now Conrad finally spoke, trying to figure out where to start.  
  
"Uh." She blushed, cast her eyes over to her father, then looked back to Conrad who couldn't help but smirk a bit. "Going to sleep."  
  
He stroked her hair softly, "A lot has happened since then. But we don't need to go into it now. You can't imagine how happy I am to see that you are ok."  
  
The doctor arrived at her bedside, flashing a small light into her eyes, asking her questions as to the date, president and her serial number. She got the date wrong; she thought it was the day she was initially injured, but they weren't too surprised by that. The doctor smiled at her, then turned to her family and said, "Damn lucky. Getting hit on the head popped her eardrum and a lot of blood had been collecting in her head. Her eardrum should heal nicely, and the loss of pressure on her brain, plus we did take the bullet out in surgery, it seems to have done the trick. Right now she has two shunts in her head. One flushing with sterile saline, another helping to drain. It also lets us make sure the wound doesn't reopen. She'll have to stay here until at least the input shunt can be removed. We'll evaluate whether she'll need the drainage shunt permanently then, based on how she's doing."  
  
Shana broke in finally with an annoyed look, despite still being weak, "Hello, right here. Why don't you give me the info, instead of talking about me like I'm not here?" She coughed violently for a moment, then gratefully accepted an offer of water to sooth her throat, still sore from the ventilator.  
  
The doctor was startled and looked over at her, "Sorry Shana." He seemed at a loss for words, "Well. Do you or anyone else have any questions?"  
  
Duke was just stunned and said, "So, does this mean everything will go back to normal?"  
  
There was hesitation, "Maybe. We can always hope. She is already far better off than she was before. We're hoping that there's been no permanent damage anywhere. She won't be able to return to the military I doubt, but she should be able to live a complete life."   
  
Shana and her family were clearly relieved and hugged each other. Duke felt mixed emotions because he wasn't sure where that left them, but he was so happy to have her back, he didn't care that much. He pulled her father aside and asked for a little time alone with her, which was graciously granted. He pulled up a chair and kissed her hand, then forehead and finally lips, smiling at her, "I am so happy you are ok. You scared the shit out of me Shana."  
  
She smiled back, "I didn't mean to. What happened?"   
  
"You were shot, all sorts of things happened after that. I hope you can forgive me, but people know about our relationship now. I had to tell them." He kissed the hand he was holding again.  
  
She frowned, "Had to? What kind of things were happening while I was unconscious?"  
  
He cleared his throat, "You weren't unconscious. You just had no memories at all, current or past. I was worried about you. Some people noticed my interest and thought that I was taking advantage of your memory loss." He shrugged, "People were surprised but took it fairly well. I tried to not say anything, but I couldn't allow them to think that I was going to hurt you."  
  
She nodded slowly, "I understand. Don't worry about it."   
  
Then she said the words that caused his world to collapse again, "Have you called my father and told him what happened?"


	17. Bittersweet

"Oh God," Duke moaned as he looked at Scarlett's face, so different it seemed with her long hair gone; shaved for the surgery. He had been so sure that with the dissipation of the total amnesia, the short term problems would be gone as well.   
  
Shana looked alarmed at his expression, "What is it? What's wrong?"  
  
"I'm sorry Shana, we've just been going through with a lot with you lately. Your dad is here, he visited you once already, I'll send him in after I talk to the doctor." He couldn't conceal the disappointment and dejection in his voice and posture.   
  
Her eyebrows knitted for a moment, then she shook her head, seeming puzzled, "Yeah. I guess I do remember him here. Just must have slipped my mind."  
  
A small flame of hope flickered in Duke's soul, "Really? Or is that just what you think I want to hear?"  
  
Now her face was annoyed as she said, "Why would you think I am lying?"  
  
"It's not that. It's...Never mind." He kissed her forehead tenderly. "There's going to be plenty of time to explain things later." She still didn't seem entirely pleased, feeling very vulnerable as everyone seemed to know so much more about what was going on with her than she did. Duke tried to placate her by saying, "Do you want to see your family again? A lot of the guys are out there too; they want to see you as well."  
  
Shana nodded gingerly, the tubing seeming to be everywhere and her head still throbbing, "Yeah. I'd like to see my Da. Can I have one thing though, before you go get them?" Her eyes sparkled for a moment the same way they used to and that buoyed Duke's spirits. "Can I have a kiss first?" Duke grinned and obliged, praying that things really were better.  
  
::::::::::::::  
  
Several hours later, all visitors had been seen, her family had returned to their hotel at Shana's insistence and only Conrad remained. He held her hand and stroked her arm carefully. She was asleep but he couldn't utilize the cot one of the nurses had kindly brought in for him. She hadn't seen a mirror yet and hopefully wouldn't for a little while at least. Conrad didn't anticipate her being thrilled with her new hairstyle. For the most part so far, she seemed oblivious, which worried him a bit.  
  
She could remember what happened before the accident, which put them in a much better position than the day before, but her short term memory seemed to still be spotty. She was going to have another MRI and CAT scan the next day and yet another neurological consult. Again the greatest hope was that when the drainage was completed, even more would return. He sat at her bedside, mind racing full of thoughts of woe and wonderful.  
  
He had to face the idea that it was possible that she would never regain her full mental faculties. And if she didn't, what would become of her, of them? He wanted to think that he would stay with her no matter what, but what kind of relationship could they have if she couldn't remember what was happening from day to day? And now there was the knowledge that Cobra was aware of her condition; that placed her in even more danger than before.   
  
It wasn't as difficult to reach a decision as it had been earlier with all of her memories gone: She would remain on post, for her safety and the security of the team. Duke knew she wouldn't want to move back to Atlanta and it was possible that she could still do some good as a part of the team. He ran his hand over the short stubble on her head, away from the incision that was made when they performed the emergency surgery. She was still the Shana he loved, but what worried him the most was that in time, she may be the exact same person as she is now and he will have grown in a different direction. How could a person deal with being in stasis as the world continued forth without them?   
  
"Penny for your thoughts," Shana's voice rasped, bringing him out of his reverie.   
  
Duke smiled at her, getting up to give her a kiss. "All about you."  
  
"How bad does it look?" Her brow furrowed.  
  
"We don't know yet hon, the neurologist tomorrow will be able to tell us more I think."  
  
Shana's face drooped, "No. I meant my hair." She started crying suddenly, "It's all gone! It will take years to grow back!"  
  
"Hey hey," Conrad kissed away her tears, "If it would make you feel better, all the guys at work will shave their heads." He grinned at her rakishly.  
  
A tug on his hand was her reprimand, "It doesn't count since we're all military." She sighed, running her fingers over her scalp.  
  
"Look at it this way, a prime time to get a tattoo that you could definitely hide." Shana rolled her eyes at his attempts to make her feel better. "Don't worry. It's all going to work out." He sounded more confident than he felt.  
  
"I trust you." She looked at him with such emotion in her blue eyes that he felt a stab of preemptive guilt; he couldn't really assure her that everything would be ok and chances were that she had a long road ahead of her.  
  
He leaned his forehead against hers, whispering quietly, "I love you."   
  
"I love you too." Her hand blindly snaked around until it found his and she laced her fingers into his. "We'll get through this together."  
  
=========================================================  
  
End of Part One. I will continue Part Two in the same story, but this is one of the major divisions. :D Thanks for playing along! 


	18. Settling In

A/N: Yes. I just watched 50 First Dates. Just what I needed, more short term memory loss to inspire me. Yes, so I am shamelessly ripping off stuff from that movie too. Seriously, good movie, I laughed, I cried, I needed to write. So, an out of rotation update for this story because it needed done.   
  
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"I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself to hold on to these moments as they pass." - Counting Crows "Long December"  
  
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PART TWO  
  
six months later  
  
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Shana stretched, yawning as she heard the TV in her bedroom come on. Her eyes opened lazily as she watched a large blonde form move into the bathroom. The sound of her name being called directed her attention to the TV and she sat, puzzled, watching the screen. Duke, Jaye, Flint, her father, brothers and many others she knew were greeting her. She glanced around in confusion, it wasn't her birthday, so why the special wake up call. She was afraid there were people watching or something, maybe Candid Camera.  
  
As the tape went on and she saw herself with short hair and Duke sitting together, talking to the camera, explaining what was going on. She had been shot; her hand immediately went to the place where video-Shana pointed, feeling not only the scar but the hair that was still growing back. They explained that she had damaged her temporal lobe, she had a hard time making new memories. Every once in a while she would have information that she didn't know before and it was just that something managed to make it through the scar tissue to her long term memories. She felt like throwing up as she watched the video, realizing that she must watch it every morning, and possibly every afternoon. video-Shana motioned to a small hand-held computer, which Shana found on her bedside and picked up.   
  
She listened as she was given a quick update on her life. She was discharged from the military, but she was living on base with the Joes still, because Cobra was after her and she was safer here. Scarlett smirked as the water ran in the background, wondering how Duke got it so she could stay with him. She scratched her arm and just as she did it, her video self pointed to the exact place that she was scratching, explaining that she had agreed to have a chip placed there for her protection. Some things seemed almost familiar, while others were totally novel.   
  
The water shut off and Conrad came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist. He immediately came over and kissed her gently, "Morning, Beautiful."  
  
She accepted the kiss, looking up at him, "Do we start every morning like this?"  
  
"Yeah. You are better during the day," he said encouragingly, "You can remember things sometimes if people remind you of them." He saw the frown on her face as he said that, "I know. But you are not a burden, I love you and am very happy. You are what is most important to me, and you are still you even if you can't remember what happened five minutes ago." It was odd how he was able to address every concern she had without her saying a word, like he had done it so many times before, he had a script memorized. She realized with horror that it probably was a script to him by now.   
  
"How long?" Her voice was a whisper.  
  
"About six months. We're still getting everything worked out on how best to start your mornings, but we've got lots of time to perfect it. He seemed so calm about all of it, how could he be so calm? He sat next to her and hugged her tightly, "It's alright. We're all doing ok, in spite of everything. Things would be much worse without you here." He stroked her hair reassuringly, "Now, how about some breakfast?"  
  
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Breakfast had been bizarre - bizarre in a totally normal way. Shana was unnerved at how calm and at-ease everyone was. This wasn't a normal situation! How could they just act like there was nothing out of the ordinary about the situation? Conrad tried to be reassuring, but that just agitated her more. He was even understanding of that, damn him! This was just so wrong. Finally Conrad sighed and suggested she go back to their quarters and read her computer notes and catch herself up. Grateful to escape from everyone, she took the opportunity and fled.  
  
Back in Conrad's quarter's, well, their quarters now she supposed, she felt marginally better. She went to his - their bed, taking her handheld computer, flipping through it. There were notes by day, month and person. Every week apparently she compiled important notes from the past seven days and made a summary. She repeated the process for the month as well, leaving her neat and easily readable notes on the important things going on in her life. The important people also had photos stored and notes along with them, with minor things such as the fact that Courtney was recovering from the flu and the last time she had spoken to her father, to more important things like what was happening in her relationship with Duke and that Jaye and Flint had gotten engaged and she was the Maid of Honor.   
  
She spent more time lingering on her notations on her boyfriend, smiling as she read the little things he would do for her and dates they had been on. Much less pleasant to read was the fights and disagreements they had gotten into. It was a regular occurence that she was unhappy with how Duke had to live his life since her accident. He always denied that he had a problem with it, but she couldn't shake the guilt she felt. She was mentally deficient and needed constant care; he had enough things to worry about in his life without her.  
  
Despite all their disagreements and the burden concerns she had, it seemed like she was happy with him. A benefit to the accident was that everyone knew of their relationship, so they didn't have to hide at all. He really loved her and she couldn't deny the warm happy feeling she got when she realized that. She loved him too, but it was easy for her, she never could stay mad at him, quite literally.   
  
Over an hour had passed since she first started reading her notes and she felt an odd sensation. It didn't quite hurt, but it didn't feel entirely normal either. It was like her intestines were turning themselves inside out, except it didn't hurt at all. She placed a hand on her stomach and could almost feel it from the outside and she could feel her abdomen hardening under her fingertips. She knew this wasn't normal, the first thing popping into her head was a phone number. She immediately dialed it, relief flowing through her when Duke answered the phone.  
  
"Hi." She wasn't sure how to bring it up.  
  
"Are you ok?" His voice was tinged with worry.  
  
"I don't know. I feel very strange. Not in an entirely good way." She paused as her abdomen grew even tighter, giving her a sharp pain, causing her to groan lightly. "Have I been injured recently?" She scanned her calendar for notes.  
  
"No! I'm calling Doc. Don't move. I'm serious." He was scared, there was no denying it from his tone.  
  
"I'll stay put, as long as I remember to." She laughed half-heartedly, trying to break the tension. It didn't work, but she tried to stay calm, thinking there likely was a very easy explanation for it and it was only a matter of time until Doc was there and this was just a note in her files. 


	19. Not How It's Supposed to Be

A/N: The next couple of chapters will be disturbing, which is why I'm writing them at once, to get them over with and out of my head. I'm giving some "spoiler space" here because I know for some people, topics involving children can be very upsetting and you might want to skip this chapter because of that.   
  
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"Maybe there's a God above  
  
And all I ever learned from love  
  
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you  
  
It's not a cry you can hear at night  
  
It's not somebody who's seen the light  
  
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"  
  
Rufuse Wainwright - "Hallelujah"  
  
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Doc knocked on the door to Duke's quarters just as the man arrived himself. Without a word he unlocked the door and they both went to the bedroom to see how Scarlett was doing.  
  
Shana was curled up in the fetal position on the bed, arms wrapped around her abdomen. "I think I have a kidney infection. Or appendix." Her eyes squeezed tight as a new wave of pain hit her.  
  
"Can you try and lay still for a few moments? I know it hurts but I need to examine you." Doc tried to be reassuring to the woman, knowing she had to be very confused, considering all she'd been dealing with. He checked her pulse: normal, temperature: normal, blood pressure slightly elevated, but that was likely due to the stress. He gently tried probing her stomach, expecting her to cry out in pain as he touched a tender spot, telling him which organ was in need of repair.   
  
What he felt though caused him to go pale, despite his dark complexion. Doc looked at Duke, "Can you carry her? I have a wheelchair with me."   
  
"What's going on?" He asked the question as he lifted her easily, leaving the bedroom and placing her in the wheelchair. Doc shook his head as he had pulled out his radio and was giving a list of orders and medications to have ready. His stomach dropped when he heard that preparations were being made to fly her to a real hospital.   
  
"Get my computer, Duke. I can't be without it," Scarlett begged, when she had a break from the pain. He nodded and darted back into the apartment while Doc started wheeling her to their medical facilities.  
  
Duke caught up with them just as the short trip was over and people were meeting them. The wheelchair stopped and IV placed her namesake in Scarlett's arm drawing blood and then hanging three bags above a computerized stand, already programmed. Duke read the contents, recognizing some, but not others. Doc then took a syringe and injected something into her IV port, while Duke and Scarlett just were confused and scared. He held her hand, wishing he could say something to ease the worry and fear, knowing that anything though would fall short because nothing would reassure him. "I'm here. Try not to be scared, I'll stay with you."  
  
Once all the medications were in, Doc had her switched to a gurney, his voice soft as he spoke to her. "IV is going to take you back to a room right now while we get results in. You're going to feel very hot, sick and confused, it's just the medication. I've given you something for the pain and to help relax you too. Hold tight. We'll take care of everything." He could see her pupils already starting to dilate and he nodded to IV to take her back.  
  
As Doc moved to get more equipment, Duke grabbed his arm, angry as he said, "What the hell is going on? What are you giving her? What's wrong with her?"  
  
"She's in labor. Did you have any idea that she was pregnant? Or when it could have happened?" Judging from the dumbfounded look on Duke's face, Doc was certain he had no clue. "Do you know when the last time she had a period was?" Duke shook his head; he never thought to keep track of those things.   
  
"This isn't possible. You saw her, she's a little out of shape maybe, but barely and she's doesn't look pregnant at all. And we're being very careful."  
  
"Abstinence is the only sure-fire method," Doc commented dryly. "And flat stomach or not, her uterus is taking up a lot of room in there and it's contracting." As he spoke, he wheeled their ultrasound machine to where Scarlett was being kept, Duke close behind. Usually the machine got used for very different purposes, such as monitoring internal bleeding and blood clots, but the principal was still the same and it would give him an idea of what they were dealing with.   
  
They entered the room; Scarlett was passed out for the medications and already in a gown. Duke hovered around nervously as he watched them work. Doc tried to explain as he went along, to ease the other man's mind. "We're trying to find out how far along she is, so we can tell whether the medication should continue and where we should fly her."   
  
He shook his head in amazement as he put the transducer to her skin; her stomach really was very flat. Everyone looked at the screen, trying to make out the vague shapes that appeared. Duke was still trying to figure it out when Doc removed the wand and shut off the IV. Duke looked between the two medical personnel, seeing their stricken faces and knew that something was very wrong. "Why are you turning off the medication? Didn't you say she needed that? Where are you going to fly her?" He resolutely hung on to the idea that everything would still turn out all right.   
  
Doc sighed, "Duke, we can still fly her somewhere if you want us to, or she can have the baby here. It's your choice." He paused, putting a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sorry, it's not going to matter where she goes. The baby passed away, that's why she's in labor and why it needs to continue. I'm so sorry."  
  
Duke shook his head, "That's not possible. Check again. She can't be that far along, aren't those things easy to miss?"  
  
He placed the transducer to Scarlett's stomach again, to confirm to Duke and himself that the baby was dead. He narrated quietly, "There's the head, hands, the chest." Doc touched the screen with his finger, "There would be flashing light if there was a heartbeat. It's not picking up any heart tones except Shana's." He turned up the volume on the machine, just to be sure, though there was never anything in his life that he wished he had made a mistake about as much as this. "I'm sorry. She's fairly far along, though I can't be sure, I would guess five or six months along."  
  
Duke's voice was quiet as he stared at the screen, "Isn't there something you can do?" He refused to look at Doc as the man shook his head. "There has to be. There just has to be." He took Scarlett's hand in his, the other hand resting on her forehead. "This can't just be it."  
  
"I sorry, I wish there was something more I could do." He pushed his glasses up on his nose. "Do you want to keep her here or transfer to another hospital? No matter what, she's going to need to deliver. I would recommend maybe transfer. There would be people who were more experienced with this to help her, and you. And in case she would need a c-section, I don't really want to do that here."   
  
All eyes shifted to Scarlett as she regained some consciousness. "Hot in here. What-" Her slurred question was cut off by another contraction. She crushed Duke's hand in hers as she tried to deal with the pain. She pulled him down to whisper to him, "Bathroom now."   
  
He looked up at Doc, "Can I help her to the bathroom?" Another contraction came, more pain in his hand which he accepted gratefully. The physical pain helped keep his mind off of the mental anguish.   
  
At that, Doc and IV both shook their heads. IV spoke gently, putting a hand on his shoulder, "It means the baby is probably coming." Duke's eyes dropped and he nodded.   
  
The delivery was unremarkable, Scarlett was still in and out of consciousness from the drugs, and even when she was conscious, she wasn't very lucid. IV took the impossibly small baby boy that resulted and swaddled him in a blanket. She gave the baby to Duke and he looked at him, then back at Doc, "Is he supposed to be this yellow?"  
  
IV's voice was still quiet and reverent, "No. That's jaundice, from the breakdown of red blood cells. I'm so sorry for all this."   
  
Doc looked over at the mention of the jaundice. "Scarlett was O- wasn't she?" Duke nodded absently, looking at the small bundle in his arms. The baby was perfect it seemed to him. This was not how this was supposed to happen. Doc came over with a needle and Duke gave him a sharp look. "I just need a little a little blood to test for something." Grudgingly, Duke moved the blanket aside for a small amount to be drawn. Doc took the blood and spoke quietly to IV, who left the room for a moment, returning with what looked to be a three by five note card. He nodded at something with a sigh after he placed blood on the card, "I know what happened." Duke looked up from the baby expectantly, "The baby has a positive blood type. Scarlett's was negative."  
  
Duke's brow furrowed as he thought about that, "That can't be, can it?" Scarlett began to stir again, and he leaned over and kissed her forehead. He didn't have the tape with him and most likely she will have reset with all the drugs. "Hey sweetheart. You're ok." His attention back to Doc, who seemed to be waiting for an explanation, "I'm B-. Wouldn't I have to be positive for that to cause problems?"   
  
"What's going on Duke?" Her voice was scared and concerned, especially when she saw Duke cradling a bundle. "What's going on?" Her voice started to take on a shrill tone. Duke whispered reassurances to her softly, but his eyes were still on Doc.  
  
Doc seemed to be at a loss for a moment, "We'll run a more in-depth test, but that would explain what happened and the jaundice. But, if it is correct, you're right. You'd have to be positive for it to cause problems."  
  
That pronouncement took a moment to sink in as Duke looked down at the baby. Suddenly, he stood up, pushing the baby into IV's arms, ignoring Scarlett's cries for him to stop and Doc's questions. He just strode purposefully out of the room and disappeared. 


	20. All Alone

"All alone I didn't like the feeling, all alone I sat and cried, all alone I had to find some meaning, in the center of the pain I felt inside" - Beth Nielsen Chapman "Sand and Water"  
  
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Conrad left the room in a hurry. He knew Shana would misunderstand, but he also knew that she would forget about it shortly. It was a bitter thought, but that didn't make it any less true. He sunk down into the chair in his office and broke out in harsh sobs.   
  
It was bad enough that the child probably wasn't his. But it was too cruel that he had died. He would have loved him no matter what. He knew Shana wouldn't have purposefully betrayed him.   
  
He was crying for the loss of the baseball games he had pictured in his mind. Seeing his boy become a man. The genetics didn't matter as much as in the moments that he found out she had been pregnant, he was filled with plans for being a dad.  
  
Becoming a father hadn't been in his plan for a long time, but a lot of things had happened in his life that hadn't been in his control. When he was faced with the event, he embraced it whole-heartedly. It may have only been a short time, but in those minutes, he had reveled in the thought of becoming a dad.  
  
It made him think of his dad and step-father. They were both great fathers and better men for the contributions they had made to the lives of their children. He wanted to be a father suddenly. He wanted to have a child who would look back fondly on him and provide him with grandchildren.  
  
The raspy sobs wouldn't stop because the more he thought about it, the worse it became. No matter what way he looked at it, he bore responsibility in the demise of the child. If he had protected Shana better, she would never have gotten pregnant in the first place. If he had noticed she was pregnant earlier, maybe something could have been done.   
  
He heard a knock on the door and ignored it; this was not how a leader behaved, crying and avoiding the trouble. After a moment, Clayton opened the door, shutting it behind him, a bottle of whiskey in his hand. Conrad tried to shield his face, expecting to hear trite words as glasses were set down and filled.  
  
A long silence reigned, much to his surprise. He was expecting empty words of sympathy, but none came. He was the one to finally break it. "How is she?"  
  
"Sleeping. They've given her a sedative. She was pretty confused and upset." The general's voice was thoughtful but without accusation.  
  
Conrad just nodded. He knew his place was with her, that's where everyone would be expecting him. That's where he should be, he knew it as well as anyone. But he just couldn't. He couldn't look at her right now, he couldn't explain to her what had happened when she woke up and was confused.   
  
Clay sighed and sipped his drink, his voice low, "Lisa and I lost one." Conrad looked up suddenly, meeting his CO's eyes and finding them as tear-filled as his own. "Never knew why. It was all picture perfect, except she never cried." His voice thickened with emotion, "It's not right to be in a delivery room and not hear crying. She came out and the doctor shouted that she was a girl and I kissed Lisa, both of us crying from happiness, until we realized that everything else in the room was silent."  
  
"What did you do?" It was a rhetorical question in some ways, but he honestly wanted to know how someone could deal with this. There had to be some sort of trick on how you could possibly get through this pain. It was more than he had felt before, and this child probably wasn't even his!  
  
A wry smile from the general, "I punched the doctor. After a lot of confusing and arguing on my side, I went to my wife and we held our daughter for a long time." Conrad saw the tension in Clay's jaw and knew then how much it must hurt him to have to witness this; it had to be like reliving that day all over again.   
  
"But Shana isn't even going to remember it. I don't know if I should tell her. I don't want to lie to her, but this is hard enough for me to deal with, and I know of all the events leading up to it."  
  
"The only thing I can suggest is to ask her. She might want to write it down in her notes." Clay shrugged with a sigh.  
  
"How can we get through this?" Conrad just couldn't imagine getting to a point where things were 'OK' again, too much had happened. He needed a long vacation from his life.  
  
"Don't know what to tell you, my man. Nothing's going to make this any better except time. Even then, it's not any better, just easier." He leaned back and finished the whiskey in the glass. "We'll help you make arrangements if you'd like." Conrad nodded gratefully in response. "My only other suggestion is to go see the baby. Hold him. Name him. Take some pictures. It will help, believe me. The hours we spent with Jillian are hours I will never regret, no matter how hard they were."  
  
Conrad stood and was embraced by his father figure, "Thanks Clay. This year has just been one nightmare after another." He got a nod in response and straightened himself, wiping any remaining tears from his eyes and going back out to face Shana and his son. 


	21. Saying Goodbye

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"Good-night my angel, now it's time sleep, and still so many things I want to say." Billy Joel - Lullaby  
  
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After his discussion with Clay, Conrad returned to the medical facilities, Doc appeared to be waiting. They nodded to each other in an appropriate manly way, then they embraced for a moment. "Is she still out?" Conrad asked softly.  
  
Doc nodded, "She probably has at least a half hour, maybe more."   
  
"Can you explain this to me? I'm going to have to explain it to her, so I need to know and understand."   
  
"Of course. So far, everything point to RH disease. She once received a bad transfusion," Doc began.  
  
"I remember that. Wrong type and she was in bad shape for a while," Conrad nodded thoughtfully as he spoke.  
  
"That sensitized her to the positive blood types. So, when she got pregnant with a child who has a positive blood type, her body knows to treat it like an invader already. Normally it doesn't bother the immune system because mom and baby are the same type. More so, this rarely happens on a first pregnancy because the circulatory systems are separate and so the blood doesn't automatically mix."  
  
"But because of that transfusion,"  
  
"She was already sensitized. The high amount of jaundice and the fact the baby had died prior to birth, that also further implicates RH disease." Doc tried to be thorough, yet gentle and not overwhelming, not exactly an easy balance to maintain.   
  
Conrad walked back to where Shana and his son were. No matter what, this was his son, he was the only man here, taking responsibility now and whoever had fathered the child must have done it using her injury. Shana was still knocked out from the drugs they gave her. IV was there and she had fashioned a crib for the baby, since they didn't have one at the ready at the sickbay. She seemed relieved to see him return.  
  
"Will you excuse us please?" His voice was low and it still threatened to leave him if he tried to say too much. Tenderly, Conrad scooped the little baby into his arms. He was amazed at how small the child was, and yet so utterly human and perfect. He couldn't believe that this perfect little child would never take a breath of air or cry for him.  
  
"Of course, call if you need anything."   
  
"Can you go get Shana's tape from our quarters?" His eyes didn't leave the child as he spoke.  
  
She nodded and scuttled out of the room quickly. Too soon it seemed, she was back and brought in a cart bearing a TV and VCR. Duke barely acknowledged the addition, continuing to talk to the little bundle in his arms. Shana began stirring in her sleep, indicating that she would be waking up soon. He reluctantly put the baby down, going over to her side and holding her hand, stroking her cheek gently.   
  
When she finally was awake, he played her tape, and then she looked over at him with questioning eyes, "Why am I here? Am I sick?"  
  
Conrad opened his mouth and no sounds came out for a few moments, trying to figure out how to tell her. "You just had a baby." His voice was quiet and she could tell from the look on his face that things hadn't turned out well.  
  
"What? No. This can't be right." She shook her head, thinking that she would have remembered being pregnant, and even if she had been, how could something have gone wrong?  
  
"I'm sorry sweetheart," he choked out the words, "The baby's blood type wasn't compatible with yours. We didn't find out until it was too late...there was nothing anyone could have done."  
  
"This is not funny, Conrad." As soon as the words left her mouth though, she knew she couldn't pretend that this was a joke. His eyes were red-lidded and he looked distraught. Plus, she knew he wouldn't do something so cruel to her. She caught a glimpse of the makeshift crib, whispering, "Is that it? Can I hold it?"  
  
"Him. It was a boy. And of course." He stood, taking the baby and laying it in her arms, feeling overwhelmed with emotions, seeing her like that, knowing it is the most natural thing in the world, and at the same time, the most wrong thing because the child was so still and small. He kissed her forehead, whispering, "I'm so sorry honey."   
  
"This...this can't be happening. You...You have B- blood, don't you?" She searched her memory to come up with it, still amazed that she can retain that information but often can't remember what happened yesterday. "I have O-. How could the baby have a problem?" Conrad wouldn't meet her eyes when she mentioned that and she moaned, realization dawning. "Oh God, I'm sorry Conrad." She hesitated, curiosity and confusion overruling her concern for his feelings. "Who is the father?"  
  
She watched his jaw clench tightly before he spoke, "We don't know." He stepped away from her to pace, his whole body tense.  
  
Shana felt sick to her stomach, she had this poor child and she had no idea who fathered it, except that it wasn't the man she was involved with. This was just a nightmare, it had to be, this couldn't actually be happening. She took one of her nails and ran it harshly across her skin, eliciting a small gasp of pain. Conrad looked over at her sharply as she whispered, "This isn't a nightmare." Her voice held dejection and surrender.   
  
"No, it isn't. I'm sorry Shana." He kissed her forehead, and then pulled a chair back up to her bedside to sit. "How do you want to add this to your video?"  
  
"I don't." He frowned at her and she continued, "If I won't remember this on my own, I don't want to. I don't think I can live with this every day being new information. He tried to interrupt but she shook her head firmly, "No. Once I'm out of here, I want to erase it. This never happened." She handed the baby back to Conrad.  
  
He was bewildered by her reaction, although he couldn't blame her, he wished that he could just erase the day from existence too. "What do you want to name him?"   
  
She looked at him, biting her lip uneasily, "I don't know. Maybe...Eric? I know it was your father's middle name."   
  
Conrad smiled at her sadly and nodded, "How about Patrick as his middle name? So both families are recognized." She nodded vaguely, and he said softly, "Eric Patrick Hauser." He kissed the baby's head gently.  
  
She started crying watching him with the baby, knowing he wasn't his but how much he loved Eric anyway. This wasn't fair or right, this wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. She was supposed to be married, the child should be her husband's, and the baby should be crying or cooing instead of being an inanimate bundle. Conrad noted her tears, setting Eric down and encircling Shana with his arms, tears silently falling along with hers.   
  
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Later in the day while Shana was sleeping, Duke spoke to Doc, "How many people have you told about this?"   
  
Doc shot him a puzzled look, "No one except Hawk, why?"  
  
"Shana does not want to remember this and I'm going to respect her request." Doc's face was shocked as Duke continued, "It will be easier the fewer people that know about it as possible."   
  
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Duke? I'm not sure just sweeping this under a rug is the healthiest thing to do."  
  
"It's her life, and I can understand not wanting to be told constantly that you had a child and he died."   
  
Doc nodded slowly, "You're right, it's her decision to make."  
  
"Now, if you will excuse me, I need to ask some people some questions." With that Duke stalked out of the room. 


	22. Rough Waters

=================================================  
  
"I am standing up at the water's edge in my dream I cannot make a single sound as you scream It can't be that cold, the ground is still warm to touch This place is so quiet, sensing that storm" Peter Gabriel - "Red Rain"  
  
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Duke stalked out of the sickbay like a man on a mission. He knew who he was looking for and it didn't take him long to find him, sitting in the mess, eating. He grabbed the silent ninja's arm, pulling hard to drag him along. Snake Eyes broke from his grasp and their exchange quickly drew the attention of the rest of the men in the chow hall. Duke calmly took out his sidearm, pointing it Snake Eyes' head. Everyone froze; this sort of display was not what they would expect from Duke and he ignored them all. "Come with me now." His voice was cold and frightening, a man who didn't care whether the person in front of him lived or died.  
  
Snake Eyes looked at Duke carefully. He was fairly certain that he could disarm the man, but he couldn't guarantee a stray shot wouldn't hit anyone else. He also noticed Duke's eyes: they were red, like he had been crying. He knew of only one person that could elicit this kind of madness from Duke and his stomach hit the floor, sure that Shana had died. He nodded slowly to Duke, showing that he wouldn't fight and would come with him. He figured that Duke thought that he was involved with her death somehow. The First Sergeant wasn't totally beyond reason though and more importantly, he wanted to know what had happened to Shana. Snake Eyes signed slowly that he would go willingly and there was no need for the gun. There was a tense moment, but then Duke reholstered his sidearm and gripped the ninja's arm painfully to pull him out of the Mess.  
  
Duke pulled Snakes along to an empty office, shutting and locking the door behind them. Snakes quickly signed, 'What happened to Shana? Is she ok?"  
  
"No, she's not fucking ok, and I know what you did!" Duke's voice was menacing as he drew closer.  
  
'I didn't hurt her, I swear, what happened?' Duke still continued his approach and Snakes continued signing, 'You know how much I care about her, I would never hurt her!'  
  
"Yeah, I know how much you care for her," Duke's words dripped with sarcasm. "I think I know exactly how much you care for her, asshole." He pulled his sidearm suddenly again, moving so he was close and it was more difficult for the ninja to escape, "I just need confirmation before I kill you for it. What's your blood type?"  
  
Snake Eyes was beyond confused, signing slowly, 'A negative, why?"  
  
The fire in Conrad's eyes extinguished and the gun dropped to the floor with a clatter. He went to sit down at the desk burying his head in his hands. Snake Eyes' confusion had not abated in the least, but he knew the value of patience and just waited for Duke to calm.  
  
He was beginning to doubt that Duke would ever speak when the almost hoarse whisper came from the slumped figure of his leader, "I couldn't protect her from this. How could this have happened? At least if you had been the father, it would have made some sort of sense."  
  
Snakes' eyes flew open wide and he tapped Duke impatiently on the shoulder so he could see signing, 'Father? Shana is pregnant?'  
  
"Was." His eyes were as dull as his tone, "The baby died because of a blood incompatibility. And now I have no idea..."  
  
As he trailed off though, a thought occurred to him, he looked up at Snake Eyes who apparently had the same thought as him and he answered with slow movements, 'O positive, he tried to donate for me after my accident, but I couldn't take it.' He saw confirmation in Duke's eyes, they had been thinking of the same man.  
  
With renewed resolve, Duke stood up and retrieved his weapon, then nodded to Snake Eyes, "Then let's end it."  
  
Snakes shook his head and put his hand on Duke's arm carefully before signing, 'No. Lay the child to rest before going to war.'  
  
Duke mulled this over, and then sighed as he nodded. He walked out of the room without another look back to start making arrangements.  
  
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
  
Conrad went through the rest of the week like a zombie. He arranged for a private funeral which was only attended by himself, Hawk, Doc and Snake Eyes. He was honoring Shana's request to not know and now that she was home and feeling better, he found it difficult to talk to her. He found it difficult to talk to anyone for that matter, he felt like he had to bear the burden of the situation alone. People noticed his worry and distraction but most attributed it to general concern about Shana.  
  
By the end of the week, he couldn't stand it any longer; he spoke to Jaye briefly and she agreed to watch out for Shana while he was gone, more than a little mystified at him running off. Duke pounded on the door to his rival's quarters and waited for the ninja to appear. He was greeted by Snake Eyes loaded with weapons and totally ready for the mission, like he had been waiting.  
  
Neither man spoke, just silently went to a plane and piloted it to the coordinates that were known to Snake Eyes. They landed in an abandoned cornfield in the middle of nowhere, Snakes got out of the small plane, hopping down and then sitting in the field, his posture that of meditation. Duke hesitated, then joined him.  
  
Sitting and hearing only the sound of breathing and birds calling, Duke thought about what was facing him back with Shana. Seeing her was almost physically painful, not only for the loss of memories, but the loss of Eric. He just wasn't sure he could deal with it and still face her every day and pretend like it never happened. But he couldn't ask her to deal with it every day either. He began to think that this was just too difficult to work out between them. She would be better off going home to her family and just forgetting as much as she could about this whole thing.  
  
The thought of her institutionalized or even just sitting useless at home gnawed at his heart, but he couldn't push the thoughts out of his head. What life could he offer - pain, loss and bitterness. It wasn't fair to her and it wasn't fair to him. He just couldn't go on like they were, her blissfully unaware of his problems, always living in the past while he was tortured by it. He made his mind up to do something about it once they had dealt with Storm Shadow. Snake Eyes suddenly touched his arm to get his attention and he noticed that the white-clad ninja was before them.  
  
The men regarded each other before the silence was broken by Storm Shadow, who asked, "Did she survive?"  
  
Duke frowned and looked at Snake Eyes to see similar surprise at the first question. "Why do you care?" Duke didn't even attempt to veil the hostility he felt. "You got what you wanted, didn't you?"  
  
"I never wished her harm."  
  
Duke snorted derisively, "You have a funny way of showing it."  
  
Storm Shadow maintained his formal posture, "The Baroness and Destro found her, I was keeping her safe."  
  
"Safe? Is that why you raped her?" Duke exploded, but before he could blink, there was a katana at his throat. Snake Eyes immediately pulled his own to threaten his sword-brother and protect Duke.  
  
Storm spoke in a dangerous whisper, "Do not insult my honor in such a way. I would not do that to her." He lowered his sword, although Snake Eyes kept his on the other man's throat, clearly wanting further explanation. "She did not wish to be alone. I gave her what she asked for," he said simply. Duke was shocked by his words, looking to Snakes for confirmation as to whether the Cobra operative was being truthful and saw Snakes lower his sword. He looked back at Storm Shadow, shocked at his reaction and that he actually seemed to care about Shana. He repeated quietly, "Is she alright?"  
  
Duke opened and shut his mouth twice, torn about what exactly to tell him. "She's better. She doesn't remember what happened but she does remember things from before her accident."  
  
"Does she remember anything else?" Duke couldn't believe his ears, was there a note of hopefulness in his tone? He shook his head, disgusted, leaving the rest for Snake Eyes to tell. His thirst for Storm Shadow's blood had abated, but he still didn't want to look at him. He sat in the plane waiting for Snake Eyes to return, finding it odd how they had bonded over this situation.  
  
When Snake Eyes finally took the seat next to him nearly an hour later, Duke prepared for takeoff as he spoke, "Did you tell him everything?"  
  
Snake Eyes nodded and helped with the mundane tasks of flying. Duke nodded in return, and they flew back to the base in silence. 


	23. Ignorance is Not Bliss

"I thought of you as my mountaintop,  
I thought of you as my peak.  
I thought of you as just about everything I had but couldn't keep."  
  
"Pale Blue Eyes" - R.E.M.  
  
o o o o o o o o o o o o o  
  
In her bedroom at base, Shana was unsettled. She was in her old room, but after watching a video, she learned that she usually lived with Conrad, but he was on a mission. She looked through her things, finding a journal that was new. She frowned, as she curiously opened it, she wasn't usually the journal type. But who knows what type she was now, she could only vaguely recall select past events. She kept having nightmares about going into labor and delivering a dead child. She didn't need a journal to remind her of that one, she knew in her heart that it was recurring. She wondered about maybe getting a book of dream interpretation to see why she was so upset about it. Maybe Conrad had been discussing children with her and she was panicking. She flipped through the pages, skimming the words and sighing.  
  
'Conrad is acting very strangely today. He won't look at me and denies anything is wrong. He looks like he maybe has been crying? He was gone for most of the day and no one had a good answer as to where he went.' She read her own words, the concern growing in her heart. 'He isn't saying much of anything to me lately. Is it the injury? Does he feel saddled down with me?' The thought depressed her, especially laid out in the pages like that. Unfortunately, it seemed that it was the case, because reading back in her journal, Conrad had grown significantly more distant over the past week. He seemed upset and angry with her for no apparent reason.  
  
She sat on her bed, chewing on a pen cap. She wasn't entirely sure how she could deal with this; either way didn't make any sense to her. She closed her eyes, trying to think. She cleared her mind of distractions and tried to remember things. Sometimes this exercise would work and she would be rewarded with shards of her life, but other days it was an exercise in futility.  
  
Before she had a chance to really settle down and concentrate, Lady Jaye broke into her thoughts, popping her head through the door to Shana's room. "Hey girl. Want to go into town tonight? You look like you could use something to do besides moping that Duke's out on a mission." Jaye tried to keep her voice light, but she was worried about Conrad and Shana both. He'd been acting strangely lately, and she hadn't been much better. Besides, even though Shana's memory was still fairly faulty, now that she had her long-term memory, she could go out and have some fun.  
  
"I don't know Jaye..." She trailed off, looking apprehensively at the window.  
  
"Don't worry, it will be all of us, you'll get to have some fun and get off base. Come on," she pleaded. "I don't want to be stuck with the guys by myself!"  
  
"Alright, I guess." Shana chuckled and stood up, moving to get ready, "But you're buying."  
  
"Deal!" Jaye grinned.  
  
o o o o o o o o o o o o o  
  
Scarlett, Lady Jaye, Flint, Roadblock, Lifeline and Gung Ho piled into one jeep. "We could take two cars, you know," Lifeline said, eyeing the seatbelt situation.  
  
"Yeah mon amie, but then we'd need two sober people." Gung Ho smirked.  
  
Lifeline's voice was slightly peevish, "I don't think Shana should be drinking anyway."  
  
Shana snorted, "Thanks Lifeline, but there's no reason I shouldn't and I should get to have a little fun too." She stuck her tongue out playfully at the medic who rolled his eyes in response.  
  
They arrived at a bar that was only a few miles off of their base. It was fairly seedy, but it held a certain charm in spite of that. There were the old-timers who lived at the bar, a jukebox in the corner, muddy lighting and peanut shells on the floor. Gung Ho bought the first round of beers, and the group started to relax. Despite Shana's current difficulties, now that she had her long term memory back, it felt like old times again. The second round came and went, this time courtesy of Jaye. Shana felt a pleasant buzz in her head. She wasn't drunk by a long shot, but it took the edge off of her nagging concerns that she wasn't even always conscious of.  
  
The jukebox was utilized and enjoyed, Shana taking turns dancing with the men, in spite of their nervousness at dancing with their CO's girl. They kept stealing furtive glances towards the door, as if they thought Duke would walk in at any second. She knew that even if he did show up, he would be unlikely to care. While he had a slight jealous streak, dancing wouldn't bother him. With the way things had been going lately, he might even be relieved that she was hanging around other men.  
  
"'Scuze me Gung Ho, I've got to powder my nose." She broke away from her current partner.  
  
Jaye called over from where she was dancing with Flint, "Want me to come?"  
  
Shana rolled her eyes, "We're not in high school, I think I can handle the bathroom on my own." The men got a good laugh out of that comment.  
  
She walked into the ladies room, and the moment the door shut, an arm grasped her tightly, pinning her arms down, another hand covering her mouth. A soft voice whispered in her ear, "Do not scream. I just want to talk." The voice waited a moment and then released her.  
  
Whirling around to face her attacker, Shana spat, "You have a funny way of showing it." She adopted a more ready pose when she saw Storm Shadow before her. "I am not here alone." It was a threat, clearly indicating that she would be calling for reinforcements.  
  
"Please don't, I just want to talk to you."  
  
She eyed him carefully, put off-balance by his sincere demeanor. "And you thought the ladies room was just the place?"  
  
"We cannot stay in here, no. But go outside and speak with me." His voice held a pleading air that she was very confused by.  
  
Eyes still fixed on him, she said, "Why should I? So you can kill me out there?"  
  
"No. Shana, I want to speak about our child." He held a hand out to her, which she stared at in confusion and horror.  
  
"Our child? What are you talking about?" Shock and disbelief were written across her face.  
  
He frowned, "They did not tell you." He swore under his breath, "You deserve to know, how could they not tell you." He wasn't really directing his comments to her, but more to himself.  
  
"Go out front. I'll meet you there. The rest of the Joes will be only a few steps away," she said warningly. She didn't know what this was about, but she wanted to find out, especially considering her recent nightmares. He nodded in response and without another word or look, she walked back into the bar. She sat down at the table with the guys, her mind focused on Storm Shadow and what he said to her in the bathroom. It had to be a trick, but with her dreams...She frowned deeply, then looked to the guys, "I'm going to head out to the jeep for a little while and talk to someone," she managed to say it with a sly grin and tap her cell phone. The men nodded, assuming she was planning on calling Duke and wanted some privacy. She walked out and down the entry steps, crossing her arms and calling in an impatient stage whisper, "I'm here."  
  
The ninja appeared like magic in front of her and bowed his head ever so slightly. "I just found out hours ago. I am sorry Shana."  
  
"Don't call me Shana," she snapped.  
  
Storm Shadow gave a resigned sigh, continuing, "Duke and Snake Eyes sought me out today, because they thought I had raped you." She gasped, taking a step back. "I had not! Shana," he waved away her attempt to stop him from using her name, "Please. When you had no memories at all, I...Kept you safe for a while." He was having trouble finding the words, this such an awkward and unusual situation.  
  
Disgust showed on Shana's face, "And that involved sex?"  
  
He shook his head, "It wasn't like that Shana."  
  
"And what exactly was it like then? Because I sure as hell can't remember it. And if I can't remember it, I don't think it was exactly consensual, now was it?" Her voice was hard but it was hard to keep up the anger when she saw the reaction on Tommy's face as she said the words.  
  
His shoulders slumped slightly, "You are right, I should have resisted your advances." She looked more uneasy when he made it clear she initiated the encounter.  
  
"Am I pregnant?" Her words weren't more than a whisper, fear on her face.  
  
Tommy shook his head sadly, pain on his face, his voice also soft, "You were. Our blood types are not compatible. I understand he passed away before he could be born."  
  
Shana felt physically ill and bent over as she thought for a moment that she was going to throw up. Tommy tried to touch her back and she batted his hand away, "Don't touch me!" He stepped back. She regained control of her stomach and stood up. "Does Duke know?" He nodded, "Everything?" He nodded again. "Goddamn it." She rubbed her hand over her face as she talked to herself, "That explains everything, damn it, why didn't he tell me? Why am I in the dark about this?" She glared at Storm Shadow, "Aren't you late for something?" She ignored his expression as her fury unleashed, "Do you think I'm going to fall into your arms and run off to join Cobra with you? It's not going to happen. I don't love you, I'm not going to love you, so get OUT OF HERE!" Her voice rose to a scream.  
  
Storm Shadow's face hardened at her outburst and before she could finish screaming and bringing the Joes running from the bar, he was gone. The other Joes came out from the bar to find Shana bent over with wracking sobs. "Shana, what's wrong?" Jaye looked around as she spoke.  
  
"Are you alright?" Lifeline said, concerned. He was the only one who knew what really happened with Shana, but due to doctor-patient privilege, he was unable to say anything.  
  
Shana turned her fury to her companions. "You didn't tell me! I had a right to know! What made you think you could hide this from me!" She looked them each over, seeing bewildered expressions on everyone's face, except Lifeline's. "You," she narrowed her eyes, "You knew. You helped him hide it!"  
  
"What in the hell is going on?" demanded Flint.  
  
"Why don't you tell them Lifeline. Tell them about the baby." She turned and stalked away, still crying angry tears.  
  
Gung Ho made as if to follow her, but Lifeline grabbed him. "Don't. She needs to be alone right now."  
  
"My question still stands, what in the hell is going on here?" Flint was very annoyed at being out of the loop. Lifeline hesitated, he had somewhat been given permission to tell them, but he was unsure of What Duke's reaction would be if he broke the confidence. "That's an order, Lifeline."  
  
Jaye though had witnessed so many confusing pieces of the puzzle, she was finally able to put it all together and realize what had happened. "Oh my God. No one told her?" The men looked at Jaye. She looked annoyed, speaking with exaggerated slowness. "Shana was pregnant, and no one told her." She looked at Lifeline, "What did you do? Put the baby up for adoption or force her to have an abortion?"  
  
Lifeline looked insulted, "None of the above Jaye!" He shook his head, "The baby was stillborn and premature." Everyone looked down simultaneously, shocked at what had happened. Lifeline felt like a heel, but it was probably better to head off rumors before they started. This was a bad situation, no matter how he looked at it. "It's not like it seems." He ran his fingers through his hair, "I need to contact Duke and let him know."  
  
Jaye's eyes narrowed, "I don't think that is a good idea. You saw how upset she is, I doubt that she wants to talk to him considering he was hiding this from her."  
  
Lifeline ignored her for a moment while he dialed the phone, "Things are more complicated than you think Allie." He turned his back and spoke quietly into his cell phone, hanging up after a short conversation. "Duke will be here in ten. He was already back at base when I called." Lifeline looked at the shape of a woman crouched in the darkness, "You guys can go back to base or back inside. I'll stay with her until he gets here." 


	24. Walk Away

"In one single moment your whole life can turn 'round  
I stand there for a minute starin' straight into the ground  
Lookin' to the left slightly, then lookin' back down  
World feels like it's caved in - proper sorry frown" – The Streets – "Dry Your Eyes"

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O

Scarlett heard the gravel crunch as someone approached. She didn't bother to look up; she knew it was Duke. He crouched down next to her, looking worried. "How could you have not told me? How?" Her voice was quiet, having expended much of her anger before. Now all that was left was a deep sense of betrayal.

He sighed, "You didn't want to know. You took out all mention of it from your diary and you asked me to never mention it again after he died."

"And you thought this was a good idea? I was upset I'm sure, I probably wasn't thinking clearly!" Some of the earlier anger started to resurface.

"Do you think I was thinking any more clearly? I had lost a child too, Shana. I thought he was mine! And then not only did he die, he died because I wasn't the father! I then had to go on alone with the knowledge to protect _you_, to do as _you_ requested. Every time I saw you, all I could think about was not only Eric, but the fact that you were apparently having sex with Storm Shadow! I didn't know what to do any more than you could have. You asked me to do something and I did it."

Shana flinched at the flurry of words that came from his mouth, realizing he'd been holding things inside for too long about this. "I'm sorry. I didn't think about that." Her voice was soft and she looked down at her hands, crying softly, "His name was Eric?"

Conrad swept her into a hug, a few tears escaping from his eyes as well, "Yes. Eric Patrick, after our fathers. He..." He broke off and just hugged her more tightly. "I'm sorry. I should have told you. I thought I was doing the right thing." He paused, frowning just slightly, "How did you find out though?"

She hesitated, "Storm Shadow."

"What?! Storm Shadow was here?" He stood up quickly to survey the landscape. She pulled his arm to bring him back to her.

"He was. He's gone."

"Did he hurt you?" Conrad began checking her over, including trying to determine if something beyond violence had happened.

She shook her head, "No. He told me, and then...He's deluded. I think he wanted me to go with him." Her tone was disbelieving.

"You're sure you're ok?"

Shana nodded, then spoke quietly, "What are we going to do now?"

"Well, we'll put it back in your diary and the tape..."

"No," she interrupted him, "I meant about us. I don't know how this can work."

He sat there, flabbergasted, "What do you mean? We'll get through this."

"But this is never going to change, will it. I'll always be dangerously forgetful." She was resigned as she spoke, this was just such an unfair thing to have happened, but there was nothing she could do about it now.

"So? We'll figure out how to work through it, I love you, you love me, shouldn't that be all that matters?"

She shook her head, "No. We can never get married, I wouldn't be considered competent for it. I could never be a mother. I can't do my job anymore."

"You'll find new things to do. This isn't the end of your life." He was beginning to get very worried about the attitude she was adopting.

"It might as well be. Every day I have to remember that I can't have my old life, I have to build a new one. I'm stuck in a continuous loop." She was calm and matter-of-fact as she spoke, which worried him more than if she had been ranting and raving. "Let me go."

He frowned and removed his arms from around her, "Shana, it doesn't have to be that bad, we can work it out."

She shook her head and then met his eyes for the first time since he arrived, "No. Let me go. Don't keep me here where I am constantly tortured by a life I'm only half a part of."

"You're just upset..." he moved closer as he spoke, but she pushed him away again and stood up.

"No. Not this time. I need to go Conrad," her words trembled with emotion.

He stood up, pulling her into a tender kiss, whispering, "Please don't."

She returned the kiss and then pulled away. "I'm sorry." She turned away from him and walked back to the bar to call a cab. She didn't know where she was going, she just knew it was away from here and away from him.


	25. Epitaph

AN: Thank you BlueHour. :) Note to self: do NOT write and upload at 3am without having someone else read your work first LOL

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O

"Even though I know,   
I don't want toknow,   
Yeah I guess I know,   
I just hate how it sounds" - Finger Eleven - "One Thing"

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O

Shana O'Hara ran into the bar, past her friends and straight to the bathroom so people couldn't see her cry. She sobbed silently for a moment, then caught movement out of the corner of her eye. When she realized who it was, she couldn't help but yell, "For fuck's sake, is this 'ninja in the lady's room' day?"

She imagined that perhaps Snake Eyes looked a little apologetic under his mask as he began signing, '_I got a call from Tommy, yelling about not having told you. I realized that he told you and when Duke ran off...I wanted to make sure you were ok._'

"In the lady's room." This had to be a nightmare. This could not be happening in reality. She wondered if she left, which ninja would show up next.

'_I didn't want Duke to know I came_.'

"What do you want?" she said, exhaustion in her voice.

'_I just wanted to be sure you are ok._' He moved a little closer and put a reassuring hand on her arm.

"I'm not ok. Damn it, I'm never going to be ok again!" Her frustration fought her depression for control. "That's why I'm leaving."

'_You're leaving? For where?_' he signed quickly.

She shrugged, looking in the mirror instead of at him, "I'm not sure yet, but someplace where I don't have to be haunted by this life."

Snake Eye's head dipped down slightly, thinking, '_If you need to go, then go. But running away doesn't solve anything._' She gave him a bemused smirk at that. '_Yes, I know it from hard personal experience._'

"There are no other options for me Snakes," despondency crept into her voice as she looked down.

He clapped his hands quickly to get her attention, '_Bullshit. We could be working on meditation and working on your ability to transfer information. There's a lot of things you could be doing, but you're just not seeing them yet._'

"You just don't understand." She shook her head, walking out of the bathroom, feeling like a grade-A bitch, but just not in the mood to hear that particular lecture from the man who pioneered running away from his problems.

She felt too many sets of eyes on her as she headed to the phone the bar let people use to call cabs. She knew the team was watching her and she had a feeling that Conrad was as well, though she didn't immediately see him. She picked up the phone and started to dial when Conrad's hand reached over and disconnected the call. She turned angrily to look at him, though her anger abated when she saw the hurt expression on his face.

"Please Shana, can we just go somewhere to talk?" He kept his voice as quiet as he could, considering their location. "Somewhere away from here and the base so we can work this out in private."

"There's nothing to work out, Conrad," she said sadly. "My mind has been made up."

He shook his head, "No, you are not the only one in this relationship and please, just give me a chance to talk to you without people looking over our shoulder. I'll take you back to base after we're done if you want." His eyes held hers and she felt a terrible ache in her chest seeing the sadness there.

She sighed, breaking eye contact, "Alright, let's go." She replaced the receiver on the phone.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O

They drove in silence, Shana's face seeming blank as she was trying to concentrate on what had been happening so she wouldn't have to have it explained to her again. Conrad was trying to figure out what exactly he was going to say. The car shuddered to a stop and she looked at him, "Where are we?"

He shook his head, holding out his hand for her, which she hesitantly took. He led her through a patch of woods and came to a chest high stone wall. With little hesitation he pulled himself up to the top of the wall. "Come on then."

Her brow furrowed, "You brought me out here to trespass?" Her voice held a measure of amusement but it quickly faded when she saw his reaction. She just scrambled up the wall after him, then realized what they were doing. "Oh no. No no no." She leaned over to leap back down to where the car was parked.

"Yes. You wanted to know, so this is knowledge." His hand was firm on her arm and voice firm in her ears. He lept down first, again offering her a hand to help her down from the wall.

"I don't think I can do this," she whispered, looking around the cemetery. "Why are we sneaking in? We should leave."

"Shhh. It's closed, but they just want to keep vandals out. You can do this, you _need_ to do this." He guided her gently by the arm onto a gravel path, going to the place he now knew by heart.

She watched as he stopped and crouched down to touch a small plaque set into the ground. There were fresh flowers there and the sight of those white roses in the darkness brought tears to her eyes. "How long ago did it happen?"

He sighed, motioning for her to join him, which she tentatively did, crouching next to him as he spoke, "About two months ago."

The tears flowed freely now as she looked at the grave of her child. Engraved on the plaque was the epitaph:

_Eric Patrick Hauser_

_Too soon to arrive,_

_Too soon to leave,_

_We love and miss you._

Conrad held Shana as she completely broke down, stroking her hair gently and feeling tears filling his eyes again as he made soft noises of comfort. When she finally stopped crying, she leaned over, kissing her fingertips and then touched the plaque. When she finished, she said, "Take me back to the car."

He nodded and they again scaled the stone wall, returning to the clearing where the car was. "You gave him your last name," she said quietly.

His volume matched hers, "He was my son too, I held him."

A fresh wave of tears rushed over her and when she regained control, she didn't look at him as she spoke, "This doesn't change anything though."

"Seeing Eric wasn't about changing your mind, it was so you could see where he was. But I would like to talk about your plan to leave." He assumed that the silence that greeted him was the green light to continue, "Shana, we have something special, you know it, don't you? I love you." He held her gaze with his own blue eyes, "You still love me too, I know it, you can't deny it."

"I do," she admitted. "But it's not that easy." She sighed and ran her hand through her hair.

"No, it's not easy but no one ever said that love would be."

Anger welled slightly in her, "Don't give me platitudes, Conrad."

"It's true though. There's no good reason for you to leave except to run away. We can work this out. There is still so much you can do with your life and I want to be there with you when you discover all those things."

"Damn it, why does everyone say I'm running away?" she said, frustrated.

"Because you are," he said firmly. "But you don't have to. Stay. Fight. Fight for us."

"But..." she trailed off, watching his face with a mixture of longing and sadness. "It just won't work."

He crossed his arms, "You don't know that."

"I don't see how it could work, I don't see any possible way."

"Meet me halfway. Move to town. Don't leave entirely, we'll see if it works then and go from there. Please?" He moved in closer to her, touching her lips with his and she softened under his hands. He broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against hers, "I can't let you go Shana. I love you."

She closed her eyes for a moment, thinking about what he had said and also what Snake Eyes had said. She knew they were both right but she was scared and she was afraid of failing with all her friends nearby. "Ok. I'll just move off-base." She felt the relief course through his body. He kissed her again, a little more passionately that time, but she pushed away after a minute or two. "But. I need you to give me some time and space."

He nodded, taking a step back, "Of course." She heard the hurt and disappointment in his voice, but couldn't do anything to fix it. "I'll take you back now."

"I do love you Conrad." He mumbled a 'thank you' to that, and they drove back to the base again in silence.


	26. Normal in the Eye of the Beholder

AN: Thank you all for the continued reviews, I cannot tell you how much that keeps me going in writing. Keep it up, pretty pretty please :)

You'll notice my writing has slowed considerably. Major upheaval for good and bad in my home lately, but the biggest good is that I'm now back in school and I'm sure everyone understands that comes first. I'm going to be a Neonatal Nurse Practitioner when I'm all done with it, and I'm very excited.

Oh, to BlueHour, I said it was Conrad's bio-father's name.

This chapter is clearly written from a Shana POV. This is essentially the start of Part Three of this story and is just to show how she's adjusting and living her life now.

With all that out of the way, on with the show.

O o o o o o o o o o o O

"I could live without so much  
I can die without a clue  
Sun keeps risin' in the west  
I keep on wakin' fully confused" -The Replacements "Within Your Reach"

O o o o o o o o o o o O

It had been over eight months since Shana had left the Pitt. She was overseeing a group of seven and eight year olds practicing their Tae Kwan Do. She was wearing her white gi, hair pulled into a tight ponytail and the small computer that had been a gift from Conrad once upon a time held tightly in her grasp.

She walked around, giving comments to students, while simultaneously making note of it onto her computer. All of the students wore clear nametags so she could tell who was who easily. The tight discipline involved with running the dojo gave her peace of mind, and kept her busy and feeling useful. She liked working with the kids, they were great. The parents she could do without at times, but usually she could stop their backbiting with the skill learned from the military.

She heard a bell jingle merrily as the front door opened. Her eyes immediately went to the newcomers, frowning. There was a child, not dressed in a uniform and a woman accompanying her. She looked at her watch and then called to the class, "Take a water break, then we'll do a little sparring." She grinned as the kids dashed to their water bottles at the side of the floor and walked over to the newcomers.

"Hello?" She was non-committal as she spoke, not sure whether this was a student or not. "May I help you with something?"

The woman smiled a little nervously, "Hello, my name is Helen Fulton and this is Andrea," she said, nudging the girl forward. Shana immediately made a note of the information on her computer.

Shana thought she heard a muttered hello and smiled, "You interested in taking some classes?" The girl hid her face and her mother sighed. Shana waved a hand dismissively, "It's ok to be shy. I need to finish this class and then maybe we can speak some more, if you have the time." The woman nodded and the girl continued to pretend that Shana didn't exist. "Great, then feel free to observe this class and then we can talk." She gave a bright smile to both of them, returning to her class.

O o o o o o o o o o o o O

As the class ended with a small beep from her computer, Shana was momentarily barraged with questions from the parents, asking about practice times and things their child needed to work on. She answered what she could, referring to her notes often and making additional notes of anything she needed to know. Another beep from her computer drew her attention and she looked around.

She saw a woman and a shy child without a uniform standing off to the side. "Mrs. Fulton?" she called hesitantly, hoping that was the right person. She smiled when the woman responded and walked over to her. "Let's sit down over here." In a small alcove, she had a desk and two chairs, a place where she could meet with students and their families and she could deal with some of the business aspects of the dojo.

"Please, call me Helen," the woman said with a gentle smile.

"Well then Helen, and," she consulted her computer quickly, "Andrea, you'd like to have lessons?"

Helen looked a little oddly at the reference to the computer, but didn't comment, "Well, I would like her to have some. She has been having some trouble in school with bullies…"

Shana frowned a little, "Martial Arts are largely about self-discipline and defense, and I strictly forbid students to use their skills outside of formal practice to avoid injury to themselves and others." She glanced down at a sheet of paper every so often while speaking, again piquing the curiosity of the other woman.

"I understand that fully, we just would like her to gain more confidence and know that in an emergency situation, she could defend herself." Shana nodded, placated by that answer.

"How did you hear of my dojo?" she inquired curiously.

Helen put a hand on Andrea's head affectionately, "Her guidance counselor at her school recommended it and said your dojo was very disciplined and safe."

Shana nodded, taking a large breath, coming to the part of the conversation that had lost her several students. "Yes, it is. Everything here must be strictly disciplined. No students are allowed without their uniforms, and all uniforms must be clearly labeled with their name." She gave an apologetic smile, "I was a martial arts expert in the military, but I was injured." Helen nodded, not fully understanding the import of the words.

Shifting uncomfortably in her seat, Shana continued, "I received a brain injury and have great difficulty in retaining new information. I have to write everything down, I have strict lesson plans and next time we meet, I'll likely not remember it happened."

There was silence as Helen took it in, but Andrea piped up, her voice soft, "Cool. What happened?"

Helen gave an admonishing look to her daughter for being rude, but Shana grinned, "It's ok. I was shot. Guns are very dangerous things, if you ever see one, don't touch it, but tell your mom or another adult, ok?" She smiled at the girl, always trying to tie in a gun lesson when she explained it to kids. She looked back to Helen, "I understand if you would like to visit other dojos, or if my condition makes you uncomfortable."

"No, actually it doesn't, I think it sets a good example for the children that nothing can hold them back." Helen smiled encouragingly at Shana, who returned the sentiment.

"Well then, I look forward to seeing Andrea in class." Shana stood up and shook Helen's hand and gave a high five to Andrea and escorted them to the door, giving them the 'new student' packet of information that she had.

O o o o o o o o o o o o O

Above the dojo, Shana had a comfortable studio apartment, where she now puttered about, fixing her dinner. She was always exceptionally careful when cooking, not allowing herself to leave the kitchen area without setting an alarm of some sort. She sat down with a bowl of spaghetti, wearing a comfortable pair of sweats and a black tank top.

As she finished her food and was putting it in the dishwasher, she heard a knock on the door. Just as that happened, an alarm went off on her computer and she looked at it, smiling a little.

She went to the door, smiling at Snake Eyes, "Hey. Come on in."

'_How were classes today?_' he signed as he entered.

"I don't remember anything bad," she grinned at him and he shook his head, silently laughing.

"_You ready?_" He watched her carefully, gauging if she really knew why he was there or not.

She bowed to him with a playful smirk, "Yes, sensei. Up here or downstairs?"

He merely took her hand and led her to a door she hadn't paid much attention to in her studio apartment, assuming it was a bathroom. It wasn't; it was a dimly lit room with several tables with eastern plants - bamboo, bonsai and orchids. There were cushions on the floor and he motioned for her to sit, which she did dutifully.

Before he sat, he tended to the plants, clearly being the one responsible for their upkeep. A wise choice, since Shana tended towards a black thumb. When he was finished, he sat on the cushion opposite her.

'_Do you remember what you are supposed to do?'_ She hesitated, but nodded. He handed her an envelope, which she took, reading silently a slip of paper from within, closing her eyes. She knew he was watching her, but she tried to put it out of her head and just concentrate on what she had read.

O o o o o o o o O

A couple of hours later, she reopened her eyes, feeling calm and relaxed. She saw Snake Eyes still watching her and she couldn't help but blush, thankful for the darkness of the meditation room.

They both stood gracefully and she broke the silence of the room, "Do you want anything to eat?" He shook his head in response and she had the vague feeling that this was a oft repeated ritual.

'_I'll be back in a couple of days and see how it is coming along._'

He gave her a hug as she whispered, "Thank you for doing this for me." She leaned back and kissed his cheek, "Tell everyone I said hello."

Snake Eyes sighed and signed, '_He's coming out this weekend, isn't he?_' He watched as she consulted her computer and nodded. '_I'll make sure to come early on Friday then._'

"Thank you," she whispered, knowing it wasn't easy for Snake Eyes to handle all of this.

She could almost see him smile under his mask and he touched her cheek gently before signing, '_You know I'd do anything for you._' She opened her mouth to protest and he shook his head, '_You're a good friend, and true friends are too rare to let anything get in the way._' She smiled at him, giving him another hug before bidding him farewell.

Shana stretched and looked at the clock with a yawn, going to her bed and soon falling asleep, trying not to think about all she had lost.


	27. Pop Goes the Weasel

Conrad walked up to Shana's door on Friday, a large duffel in his hand. He had a key to her apartment, which he used. He knew she would still be in a session with Snake Eyes and didn't want to disturb them. The sessions really seemed to be doing some good things for her and as much as the jealous man in him hated the time she spent with the silent ninja, he knew it was a good thing and he kept a tight leash on the green-eyed monster.

He set the duffel down on the floor gingerly, then crouching down and opening it to unpack. Conrad produced a wide variety of ingredients intended for their dinner that night. Shana's favorite flowers, silver roses, were also produced, which he promptly put into a vase. Not missing a single detail, he even had candles for her table. With the candles and flowers set out, he looked at the table and then nodded. It looked appropriately romantic for the evening.

As he moved back into the kitchen, he began arranging the ingredients and putting the cold items in the fridge and freezer. He hummed softly as he began to cook, looking forward to this evening; he wanted everything to be perfect.

O o o o o o o o o o o o O

Shana was in her meditation room when the faint scent of garlic began to permeate the air. She opened her eyes to smile at Snake Eyes across from her, "Smells like dinner is almost ready." A momentary flash of panic flew across her face as she worried that she had started the cooking, but before she could get up, Snake Eyes caught her eye.

'_Duke is coming over tonight. He must be early and making dinner.'_ Snakes signed fluidly, trying to hide his annoyance. He got such little time it seemed with Shana, he hated that Duke could interrupt the few moments he got with her alone. _'We have a little more time, unless you want to cut out early?'_ He gave her a questioning look, not wearing his mask when they were alone. She shook her head to signal 'no' and he nodded and watched as she resettled herself into a calm state.

Two to three times a week, Snake Eyes would come to Shana's home and help her work on her memory in general and specific memories that she wanted to retain. They had a mixed bag of success; sometimes it seemed like they were getting nowhere, then she would suddenly retain one of her memories, causing hope to soar again.

Snake Eyes watched her with painful longing as she relaxed again and regained her sense of concentration. He knew that with the scents of dinner wafting through to distract her, their time was almost up. A silent sigh escaped his lips and he closed his eyes to try and regain his own sense of concentration. While she worked on her memory, he worked on his acceptance of the fact that she was out of his reach.

O o o o o o o o o o o O

As predicted, it wasn't much longer before the session was given up as lost and Shana emerged from the room to investigate the smell wafting in from the kitchen. She smiled at Conrad, wearing an apron and humming softly to himself as he cooked. She quietly walked over to him, wrapping her arms around his waist from behind, bringing him out of his reverie.

"That had better be you, Shana," he said in a amused warning tone as he turned around and kissed her. "How did the session go today?" He brushed a loose piece of hair away from her face as he spoke. "Where is he," he said, clearly referring to her sensei.

She shrugged, "Ok, I think. No major breakthroughs. And he's finishing getting redressed." She rolled her eyes to his smirk, "He's putting his mask and stuff back on. You know he doesn't wear that when it's just the two of us."

"Yeah, I know," he grumbled. Changing the subject abruptly so he wouldn't dwell on it, he said, "Go take your shower and get dressed for dinner." She quirked an eyebrow and then noted behind the apron, Conrad was wearing a suit. "Yes, something nice." He kissed her again. "I love you."

Returning the kiss, she murmured "Love you too. What do you have planned for tonight?" He merely shook his head and shooed her away. She stuck her tongue out at him over her shoulder as she walked back towards her room. Conrad grinned back at her and resumed his cooking.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o O

It wasn't very much longer until Snake Eyes emerged from the meditation room; his mask in place like it had never been removed. His eyes quickly took in the scene, the roses, candles, and Conrad's dress and he was careful to not let the dismay show on his face that he felt inside.

His first sergeant looked up at him as he entered the living room, nodding as he spoke, "Hello Snake Eyes." The ninja nodded in return and Conrad continued, "Would you like to stay for dinner?" He usually invited Snake Eyes to dinner with them on the nights when they ran into each other, and on a few rare occasions, Snake Eyes had even accepted.

This time though, the silent man made a show of looking between the decorations and Conrad, and signed, '_I don't think you really want me to stay._' It was an amused tone he took; he knew it was just Conrad trying to be polite. The blonde shrugged with a good natured grin, and didn't say anything. '_Don't worry. I appreciate the thought, but I have to get back. I'll just say goodnight to Shana and leave you two alone._'

"Thanks, man." Conrad had an earnest tone that surprised Snake Eyes. If he didn't know better, he would almost think the other man was nervous. Before he could dwell on that thought longer, Shana emerged, looking breathtaking in a simple royal blue dress.

Seeing her swept all thoughts out of Snakes' mind for a few moments. When he regained his composure, he gave her a hug and waved good-bye to her. This moment sadly didn't belong to him and he would feel better as far away as possible.

O o o o o o o o o o O

Conrad on the other hand, was able to fully appreciate the beauty in front of him, taking his apron off and crossing the apartment to embrace her, "You look gorgeous." He kissed her soundly, glad to see the smile on her face at his words.

"Thank you, you don't look too shabby yourself, Mr. Hauser. So what's the occasion?" She walked over to the table, gently inhaling the perfume of the roses. "They are beautiful."

He followed her to the table, "They can't compare to you." They smiled at each other as he continued, "Does there have to be an occasion?" She gave him a mock-frown, knowing that something was up. "Alright," he held his hands up in surrender, "It's a surprise. You'll find out later, ok?" He kissed her deeply, "But right now, I have to finish dinner. You wait here."

She smiled and nodded, "Alright, I'll try and be patient."

"It's almost ready, you can sit down if you want." He motioned to the table and flipped on her stereo, soft music mingling with the scent of roses.

Shana padded softly over to the table, still in her bare feet, sitting down and enjoying the ambiance of the evening. As promised, it wasn't long before a salad was set in front of her and Conrad joined her at the table.

They ate quietly at first, then curiosity overwhelmed her, "So really, what is the occasion?" She grinned as she glanced over at him.

Conrad looked around for a moment, then grinned back. "I was going to wait until dessert, but I just can't." He stood up, walked over to Shana's chair and then dropped down to one knee beside her.

"What are you doing?" Shana asked with growing suspicion as she watched Conrad's face get serious.

"We've been seeing each other for a while now, and we've been through a lot, including some very tough times." He paused, both of their faces showing the shadow of sorrow that the last year had brought them. "But, we've come through it, together. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Shana." Tears started shining in her eyes as he continued. As he spoke the last words, from his pocket he produced a ring box and in a smooth motion, opened it to reveal a simple yet elegant engagement ring. "Shana O'Hara, will you please marry me?"

A/N: Sorry for the cliffy, I couldn't help myself.  I'll try not to have a year between updates again :D


	28. Anticipation

AN: Good news: I didn't make you wait a year between updates. Bad news: It's been almost two years ::sheepish:: But this is almost done, I think. I just need to wrap up a couple things and that should be done in a chapter or two. Thanks for your patience, those who are still with me from the start, and hope you are enjoying it, those who have just started reading.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O

"Rest your head,  
You worry too much,  
It's going to be alright,  
When times get rough,  
You can fall back on us,  
Dont give up,  
Please dont give up."

(Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush – _Don't Give Up_)

Shana's eyes widened with shock. "M-marry you?" She looked down at Conrad, kneeling before her with a ring in his hand, looking as nervous as she has ever seen him. "But…I mean. I can't…My memory…"

"We're working through all that, Shana. And it doesn't matter. I love you and I want to be with you, through good and bad, if you will allow me. That's what marriage is about." His voice took on a firm tone at the end; he knew that she didn't want to 'saddle him' with her issues.

Shana looked down at the man she loved, seeing that love reflected back to her in his eyes, and wanted to say yes, so very much, but couldn't yet bring herself to form the word. "I love you Conrad. More than anything," she began, looking into his eyes and then letting her eyes fall to the floor, not able to look at him as she continued. "But." She took a deep breath and to his credit, Conrad didn't try to interrupt or react until she had finished. "I have to think about this. I don't want to say yes, and then regret it. Or vice versa. I need to look over my notes." She looked back up at his face, imploringly, and was surprised to not find any of the emotions she was expecting; there was no hurt, anger or sadness. He was actually smiling.

He reached up and touched her face gently, still on one knee in front of her. "I love you, Shana. You didn't say 'no'," he said that with a grin. "And I know you. I know you want to be sure. Just make sure you write down that this is a standing invitation." She slipped off her chair and went to her knees to meet his height and kissed him.

"Thank you," she murmured, hugging him tightly as he ran his fingers through her hair. "I love you so much, I'm just…scared."

Conrad kissed her neck then whispered in her ear, "I wouldn't be much of a husband if I didn't know my wife well enough to know she would want to think about a decision this big. It is scary, for me too. I've never wanted to marry before I met you. I never imagined that would be in my future. We can hold each others' hands and make it through the scary parts together."

"Stop." She couldn't help it, he was being too understanding, and tears were forming in her eyes. "You're making it too perfect."

"That's my job, ma'am. I intend to make it very easy for you to decide yes. You are pretty much stuck with me anyway. You might as well get to share my retirement benefits while you're at it." Conrad grinned and was pleased to see Shana laugh and break the tense mood. "Now, go write it down, so we can enjoy ourselves without me worrying that you'll forget." He pecked a kiss on her cheek and offered a hand for balance while she got back up.

She smiled, "Yes sir." She kissed him again before standing, looking wistfully down at him, still kneeling. "I wish I would be able to remember this." She turned and retreated to her room where her books and PDA were to make her notes.

Conrad stood smoothly, speaking quietly to himself, "Me too." He couldn't help the sadness that showed on his face for a moment, sad for what she had lost, what they had both lost. The smile returned to his face quickly though when Shana reemerged from her bedroom, still looking radiantly happy.

"Now, where were we?" Shana approached Conrad, slipping her arms around his neck.

He swept her up in one easy motion, cradling her in his arms, "I was about to distract you and make a damn fine argument for my side." He kissed her deeply, Shana responding and holding him tightly.

"I wouldn't want to deny you that opportunity." She nuzzled his neck when they broke, whispering teasingly, "Make me forget, I dare you."

True to her request, he was fairly certain that by the time they went to sleep that night, she had 'reset', but no harm done as she felt comfortable where she was and in his arms. He just hoped that after reviewing everything, she would agree to marry him.

O o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o o O

Scarlett woke in the morning, slightly disoriented; this didn't seem like Duke's quarters. An odd thought occurred to her though: she needed to watch a DVD. She looked to her side and there was a remote control labeled 'Play me'.

Curious now, she turned on the TV in her room, leaving it quiet so as to not disturb Duke who was still sleeping beside her, hitting 'play' on the remote. She watched with her eyebrows knitting together and looking more and more upset as the home movie went on. She was vaguely aware of Duke slipping his arms around her, stroking her hair, trying to calm her it seemed, her eyes frozen on the screen.

When it finally ended, she looked at Conrad, who wore a smile for her. "How long have I been like this?"

He kissed her softly, "Almost a year." His eyes were glued to her face, waiting to see how she would react today.

"And you still put up with me?" There was an underlying current of truth beneath her amusement.

Conrad laughed, "More than put up with you. Read your notes. I'll start breakfast." He got out of bed and pulled on a pair of shorts, smiling at her once more before exiting the room.

She dutifully went to the PDA on her bedside and started reading. Of course, right on top was the note that Conrad had proposed to her and she was taking time to think about it. She wrote down a note to call Snake Eyes and maybe they could do one of the meditation sessions she saw in the movie to help her with this.

She slipped on a t-shirt and went out to investigate what was for breakfast, finding OJ, bowls of cereal and a carton of milk set out on the table, still with the fancy tablecloth and candles, which Conrad had appeared to have relit. She looked at him with amusement.

He shrugged with a grin, "Cereal sounded better than a bunch of heavy stuff, but no reason to not eat it with style." They laughed together and Shana took her seat at the table as Conrad joined her. "Sleep well, love?" He set the spoons on the table and reached for the milk.

"Yeah. A little overwhelmed." Her voice was a little unsteady. She had missed a whole year of her life and apparently the man across from her had proposed last night. A part of her screamed, '_You've only been dating for three months! It's too soon to be thinking about marriage!'_ She tried to shush that part though; she knew through her video and notes that they'd been together longer than that, and apparently through some difficult times since then.

Conrad reached over, took her hand and kissed the back of it. "It gets better through the day for you." He searched her eyes carefully, seeing the stress there. "And about last night, there is no time limit on that. Take all the time you need." Internally, Conrad was starting to feel confident the answer would be yes, eventually. If she was taking the time to consider it from all angles, she would see there was nothing to stop them. He had been most concerned for an outright rejection without consideration.

She nodded silently, pouring the milk on her cereal. They ate in relaxed silence, the only noise coming from the crunching of their cereal. After they had finished, he cleared the dishes and led her to the couch, pulling her onto his lap. "What do you want to do today?" she asked, not sure if he had specific plans for them.

"I'm already doing it." He kissed her, then continued. "Being around you pretty much sums it up." She laughed again and he couldn't help but kiss her again, just loving to hear her laugh. After a moment, he looked at her. "What would you like to do?"

"Well, I was thinking maybe of calling Snakes for a meditation session." She watched him carefully for his reaction. He managed to hide all but the smallest amount of disappointment. "I wanted to think about last night." She kissed him again softly.

He nodded. "I understand. Do you want me to go back to base while you do that?" He didn't want her to feel like he was smothering her or didn't trust her.

She shook her head with a sly grin. "You can keep the bed warm, if you want. I have a TV in there if you want to watch something."

"Sounds like a plan." Conrad paused, returning her sly grin, "Do you mind starting your day later than expected?" He slid a hand under her shirt to trace down her spine to show what he had in mind.

"I'm counting on you to remind me to call him later," she warned in a playful tone.

"Scout's honor," he replied and smiled as he pulled the woman he loved closer. She might be thinking now, but he was sure that she would say 'yes', and so he felt they had a lot to celebrate.


	29. Patience

AN: Last chapter, can you believe it? Hopefully you are not disappointed by the ending. When I finish my other stories, I plan on going back through and editing and cleaning them up. Especially this and Aftermath suffered from being my first few fics.

Thank you for your patience, reads, reviews and encouragements throughout the writing of this story, I sincerely could not have done it without you. Minor thanks to Adult Swim and their new Joe movie, as that's what made me get back in my groove again.

Again, thank you.

O o o o o o o O

_Turn the light out say goodnight  
No thinking for a little while  
Let's not try to figure out everything at once  
It's hard to keep track of you falling through the sky_

The National – Fake Empire

O o o o o o o o O

Snake Eyes met Duke at the door of Shana's apartment above her dojo. "Thanks for coming over," Duke said as the other man entered.

"_Is everything ok?_" Snake Eyes signed, his eyes flicking to the door of Shana's training room.

Duke smiled, "I think so. She just wanted to see you and work on more memories. She's trying to keep a lot in her mind right now and I think she's getting frustrated." Snake Eyes frowned and looked back over to the door. Duke hesitated, then figured Snake Eyes would find out from her, so he might as well come out with it. "I proposed to her last night."

Snake Eyes wasn't exactly a fidgeter to begin with, but he froze like a statue when Duke said that, finally managing to sign, "_Congratulations._" It wasn't the most sincere movements he's ever made, but at least he was trying.

Duke nodded slightly, knowing this was an awkward situation. "She's still thinking." He shrugged slightly, "It's hard for her to think about, which is why she wanted to have your help." He paused, then said, "I'm sorry. I know…"

The ninja cut him off with a wave, "_Don't._" He looked around the apartment, his eyes finally resting on Conrad, "_I knew it was never me. And if it's not me, at least it's you, and not Clutch or Shipwreck._" He shrugged and there seemed to be a hint of smile in his eyes.

Duke smirked. "Thanks for rating me higher than Clutch." Snake Eyes made the gesture for 'little bit', easily ducking the playful punch thrown by Duke afterwards, moving past him to Shana's training room.

O o o o o o O

Snake Eyes watched Shana move gracefully through the fluid movements of Tai Chi, sighing softly to himself. What he told Duke was true, but it didn't mean he never wished things were different.

"Are you going to come in or just stand in the doorway?" Shana said, not deviating from her rhythm at all. When he finally entered the room fully, she turned around and opened her eyes.

He watched her as he saw the disorientation flash across her face, and made the sign for 'bullet' and 'computer' at her and then automatically she looked for and found her PDA with all her info on it. The first things they had worked on together were remembering that she was injured and her PDA had the answers. They found it worked better if there were physical cues built into the things she was supposed to remember. He was pleased at how well it was working. Now when she 'reset', she wasn't nearly as scared or upset by it.

When she finally looked up from reading her notes, he signed, "_How are you doing,_" watching her body language carefully.

"Ok, I think. A little overwhelming." She gave him an uneasy smile, which he returned. "Conrad proposed last night," she blurted out.

"_I know, he told me when I got here. He said you wanted my help?_" After signing, he took off his mask, going to check the plants on the edge of the room.

Shana sighed, "That's what I wrote. I guess my next task is to be able to remember he proposed so I can properly think about it." She sat down cross-legged on a large pillow.

Finished with his circuit, Snake Eyes sat down across from her and looked at her face intently, "_Is that what you really want?_" She frowned in confusion when he said that, so he continued, "_I mean, it's not an exact science, you remembering things. Are you sure that you just want to remember that he asked, not your answer, or down the line, that you're married?_" He smiled at her, continuing, "_I mean, if we get it in your head that he proposed, we'll have to redo it all when you say yes."_ It was easier to lie around her somehow, to be easy and natural and the friend she wanted.

"I shouldn't say yes though." She sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "He shouldn't have to be saddled down with me. It's not fair to him."

Snake Eyes reached up and touched her face softly, "_What about you though, what do you want? That matters more than anything else, and I know that Conrad would agree with me._"

"We've only been dating for three months!" she said in exasperation. "Ok, plus another year and a half that I don't remember, but does that really count?" she amended. Snake Eyes gave her a questioning look, prompting her to answer her own question, "Yes, of course it does."

"_I can't tell you what to do, neither can anyone else. If you really think this needs to be a task for your memory, we'll work on it. If you just wanted someone to talk to, I don't mind that either._" Snake Eyes moved over so his back was against the wall, patting the floor beside him, and Shana scooted over to sit next to him and lean on his shoulder. "_You know I love you._" He could feel her tense slightly and start to pull away and he continued, "_Wait. I love you, and I want you to be happy. If that means staying with Conrad, then that's what I want you to do and I'll be by you, every step of the way. If you want to leave, I'll still be by you and support you. You're my best friend, the one person who puts up with my moods and psych issues without too much bitching. You just have to find what's best for you._"

She took his hand, bringing it to her face to feel her tears, and then they embraced. "I'm so sorry Snakes," she said tearfully.

He pushed her back so he could sign again while shaking his head. "_No, that's not why I said that. I just wanted you to know I'm always in your corner._" And then to lighten the mood, he smirked, "_And I expect you to find me a nice redhead as a replacement, ability to sign a definite plus._" He got the desired laugh out of Shana with that.

"Ninja skills optional?" Now they were both laughing. "Thank you. I don't deserve either one of you in my life."

"_Damn straight._" He grinned as he signed it, feeling better himself.

O o o o o o o O

Over an hour after he went in, Snake Eyes emerged from the room, mask securely in place. Duke was sitting on the couch, watching a football game; he looked over at Snake Eyes and nodded to him when he came out. "Everything ok?"

"_Two resets, cues worked both times._" He knew it wasn't what the other man was asking, so he continued, "_I think she wants to talk to you._"

Conrad got up in a hurry, "Thank you, for everything." And then Snake Eyes let himself out of Shana's apartment as Conrad moved to the door of her training room. "Shana?" he called to her as he entered the room.

"Hey. Were you out there the whole time?" she asked.

He nodded, "Watching the game. Trying to be patient." He moved over to stand next to her, slipping his arms around her waist. "Session went well?"

She smiled at him, "We just talked about stuff. Now I need to talk to you." She motioned to the floor pillows and he joined her, sitting on the floor. "You asked me to marry you."

"I did," he confirmed, returning her smile.

"I wanted to think about it. Which I have been, as much as I can think about anything." Conrad looked like he was going to contradict that negative assessment of her skills but she stopped him with the palm of her hand. "I'm scared. I'm scared that in 6 weeks, 6 months, 6 years, you might get tired of dealing with my problems, no matter what you say now."

"Shana, I'm not going to get tired of - " he began.

"Let me finish," she said sternly, and Duke's mouth immediately closed. "But it doesn't matter. Every morning, I'm going to wake up, in love with you. It makes me happy to be with you. If you ever decide to leave, I can deal with it then, but until then, why should I make myself miserable and make you miserable?" She smiled and held out her left hand to Conrad, "Yes."

Conrad's face broke into a wide grin, pulling out the small velvet covered box from his pocket and slipping it on her finger. "I love you, don't ever forget it," he said, pulling her into a passionate kiss that she eagerly returned.

_**end**_


End file.
